


Blinded by Light

by MJ1Hawk



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Drama, Drama & Romance, F/F, Falling In Love, First Time, Growing Up, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:36:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23809246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJ1Hawk/pseuds/MJ1Hawk
Summary: All it takes is two bored artists meeting in an ice cream shop on the North side of Chicago. Not only do these two have incredibly different living situations, but one is blind and troubled by an abusive romantic past while the other chooses loneliness.
Relationships: Anna/Elsa (Disney)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 82
Collections: ElsaAnna, The Elsanna Collection





	1. When Elsa met Anna

  
“Well hello,” comes a deep yet soft voice from behind Anna’s right ear. She turns automatically, eyes shut behind her black sunglasses.  
  
“Me?” Anna asks softly, pointing to herself with her spoon covered in chocolate ice cream that’s getting dangerously close to slipping down onto her light jeans.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“I really really don’t mean to be rude but um… _why? _” She squeaks, accidentally kicking her walking stick over that was leaning on her low stool. Her knees are digging into the counter of the ice cream bar she’s been sitting at since she was seven. The stick dinks onto the checkerboard floor and before she can reach for it, the handle is gently placed back into her hand. The freezing cold brush of the strangers fingers make her shiver and she puts her stick on the opposite side of her, bumping the sharp end against her toes covered by her white slip-ons.  
  
“You’re stunning, honestly.” Anna chokes on air. 'I don’t even know why I’d be choking on air,' Anna thinks, flabbergasted somehow. 'I don’t even know this lady or girl or whatever what the heck am I freaking OUT ab—' There’s a clearing of a throat and a tapping at the pearl counter.  
  
“So I see my two regulars have finally made conversation,” comes the familiar voice of Shang, the Chinese owner of this ice cream bar that’s only three blocks from Anna and her parents’ bungalow. “Hi Elsa.”  
  
“Hello,” she responds curtly, voice sounding a little tighter than when she spoke to Anna. 'Elsa huh? That’s a pretty name. I wonder if she herself is pretty or…?' The sound of the seat decompressing next to her makes Anna turn her head again. “May I have a red velvet shake?” She hears Shang grunt, and Anna shifts around on the black cushion stool that huffs under her weight. Footsteps are walking away from them. It’s quiet again.  
  
“So um. I’m Anna.” She waves in no particular direction and feels silly for doing so after, dropping her hand rather loudly and stubbing her middle finger back on the table. 'Ok. Ow. Freakin’ klutz.' Elsa moves and she hears nails scraping against the counter. There’s the slightest gust of air that touches up against her skin.  
  
“You ok?” Anna smiles just the barest bit and flails her hands around.  
  
“This is me everyday,” Anna remarks with a cheery voice, chuckling lightly.  
  
“Hmm, I’ve noticed,” Elsa says quietly, sounding like she’s about to laugh. Anna swats at her and misses. “Like how you brush your shoulder against the second door every time you come in.”  
  
"Ok to be fair why are there TWO doors?”  
  
“Or how you drag your heel a second too long when you get on this stool and fall onto it,” Elsa touches the seat she’s on and twists it playfully under Anna who swats at her and lands this time. 'Ok she’s got REALLY soft skin.' Anna drags her fingers against Elsa before she retracts her hand like she just touched fire and awkwardly shakes her shoulder out.  
  
“Sorry I didn’t mean to be weird!” Anna rubs her forehead with the back of her shaky hand. “I’m gonna be doing lots of apologizing I feel like, hah.” Elsa hums and 'GOD does that sound sexy. Oof! Get a hold of yourself!' Anna shimmies on her seat, noticing the heat between her legs that has 'NO BUSINESS BEING THERE! All she did was BREATHE, like????'  
  
“I’m most likely the odd one here,” Elsa says, eyes flicking up at Anna’s which are covered and shut. She takes her chance and brushes her knuckles against Anna's delicate looking hand with the faintest spraying of freckles on the back. She’s pleased by the way Anna sniffs in a noise and cracks a sly grin. “I believe I sounded as though I was coming onto you before.”  
  
“Oh um. Yeah? I mean, YEAH! Yeah you did but that’s uh fine, hah. Hah.” She chokes out a harsh breath and itches her skull through her slightly curled red hair that’s just past her shoulders in twin braids. She’s immediately distracted by the way Elsa’s cold hand is rubbing against hers again and her lips slightly part on their own.  
  
When touch, sound, and memory are all you have, there isn’t an option; you crave those things whether you want to or not. You need them. 'And… for some reason… I feel like I’ve needed this. This being her. Even though I hardly KNOW this girl who may as well be sixteen or forty-five and this is crazy I don’t know what I’m thinkingI’mstartingtopanicandthisis—'  
  
“Hey,” comes the slightest hint of breath close to her ear. 'And oh my God her voice is SO sosososo hot!' There’s a creak of a seat again. “Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m assuming you don’t mind my company?” Every word is drenched in sensuality and it’s honestly breaking Anna in a way no other voice has before. But she can't let herself completely crack; she has some questions. Before she can ask any, Shang announces his presence by tapping the counter (out of respect for Anna to know where he is) and drops Elsa’s dessert next to her.  
  
“Hey Anna, you better eat your cup, it's melting hun.” Anna nods in response and busies herself, listening for him to walk away. It’s not the biggest store but there’s enough space and enough people too lazy to get out of their cars that constantly pester Shang at the drive through window for her to have some privacy.  
  
“So Elsa,” she says, unaware that the slightest bit of chocolate is sticking to the corner of her mouth. Elsa’s eyes are transfixed on it however, as she politely sucks bits of her shake out of the long red and white straw. “How old are you?”  
  
“Twenty-two.”  
  
“Oh neat. I’m twenty,” Anna remarks, shoving a huge amount of ice cream down her throat without even thinking about it. It makes Elsa smile to herself. “Do you go to school?”  
  
“Mhm. Downtown. Art school,” Elsa sips quietly before continuing. “Watercolor major.”  
  
“Wow!” Anna swallows thickly and turns more to face Elsa, but she’s facing more to the left of her than anything. Elsa falters before taking Anna’s shoulder and adjusting her just slightly.  
  
“Is that alright to do? I apologize.” Anna shakes her head.  
  
“It’s fine if it’s you I—“ Elsa and Anna both hault mentally and Elsa raises a brow, her heart beating just slightly faster out of excitement. 'I don’t even know what the hell I’m saying. Again. This is bizarre.' There’s a weird warmness she gets as she encourages Elsa to speak more. Sure Anna has a thing for that voice of hers, but it’s not just that.  
  
There are so many little things Elsa says or does (that she can feel) that make Anna’s heart leap. 'I’ve never felt this way before. It’s almost like I—'  
  
“It’s like I already know you,” Anna says out loud. She had just cut Elsa off and Anna slaps her hand over her mouth. “Ah! I’m so sorry I—“  
  
“—No need to apolo—“  
  
“—No I should! It was silly—“  
  
“—You’re anything but silly,” Elsa finishes, voice firm. Anna bites her tongue. Right about now she’d typically be fumbling around and kicking herself for it later, but she’s staying unusually calm with her spoon in her mouth. “I approached you because I’ve been coming in more… and you’re fascinating really.” Anna makes a pfft noise but Elsa interrupts her and adds, “You are. Sometimes you must think no one else is in here because I hear you sing every once in a while.” Recognition lights up a part of Anna’s brain. “Shang told me you’re an actress.” Anna nods slowly and sets her spoon down, missing the bowl once.  
  
“At the Chicago Theatre. Yes.”  
  
“That’s amazing,” Elsa comments, grazing the back of Anna’s elbow. “How did that even come about?” Anna picks at the edge of the table idly.  
  
“Oh I… I don’t really like talking about myself. I'm pretty boring,” Anna tries. Elsa shakes her head.  
  
“You’re blind and you’re one of the most popular actresses in Chicago, Ms. Anna Rosenberg.” Anna clears her throat.  
  
“Well someone got friendly with Google,” Anna says with a chuckle.  
  
“I go to an art school, plenty of my colleagues love the theatre.” Anna thinks on that string of words. 'So I’m grasping at straws to get to know this woman better. But let’s see… she said colleagues instead of friends. And she’s implying THEY like it but that doesn’t mean SHE likes theatre and now I’m realizing she doesn’t even know who I play or why I sing like a crazy lady in the middle of an ice cream shop—'  
  
“Do you like musicals?” Anna asks.  
  
“I do.”  
  
“Oh good. Cuz… yeah I sing in them. A bit.”  
  
“What are you in now?” Elsa asks curiously, sucking up the last of her shake. Elsa’s eyes drift over to Shang who’s smiling at her wearily. She can’t tell if he’s pleased they’re speaking or if it’s irking him for whatever reason. Elsa gives him a side glance before looking back at Anna, studying her face.  
  
“Mean Girls,” Anna laughs. “You’re looking at Cady Heron.” Elsa smirks and pushes her empty glass back.  
  
“Lead huh? That’s amazing,” Elsa comments, eyes trailing down Anna’s front which looks luxurious even in her slim olive winter coat. 'It’s January,' Elsa realizes. Looks like her and Anna are equal parts strange in this regard, wanting ice cream no matter the weather. “I do enjoy myself a rewatch of Mean Girls,” Elsa states, eyes drinking in Anna to a ridiculous level. 'I’m going to start drooling,' Elsa thinks fondly. As Anna speaks, Elsa becomes less focused on the attraction to this girl and thinks more about the way she says things. Anna’s honestly pretty humorous, and if she gets the usually stern Elsa to chuckle more than once, it’s a big win.  
  
Apparently Shang was not as fascinated with their newfound friendliness, because he stomps over and grabs her glass rather roughly, staring right through Elsa. He gives her a definite look and Elsa straightens up, putting on her mask of utter indifference. He mouths, STAY PUT, before sweetly regarding Anna with a, “Hey it’s almost six. Your parents are gonna call soon.” He’s still glaring at Elsa though, and it’s starting to get under her skin. She pulls her hand away from the redhead for the first time in thirty minutes.  
  
“Darn you’re right. Pesky parents.” Anna slides her glass over and Shang holds it between two fingers near the rim. “So um, Elsa? Do you think we could uh… meet again?” Elsa opens her mouth. “Only if you want to of course I—“  
“—I’d love to,” she answers gently. Shang sighs and wipes his forehead with the red rag hanging off the pouch of his stained apron that has a huge sown yellow dragon on it. Anna seems really giddy again and Elsa’s nose wrinkles at the cuteness. “When are you free?”  
  
“Weekends are out; I play two shows a day then. And then Tuesdays I have… life stuff.” Anna clears her throat, standing up. Elsa stands too and hands Anna her walking stick. Anna grins and nods thankfully. “So… around 5:30 work for you any other day?”  
“I can make it work.” Shang looks downright pissed at this point, rolling his eyes and just about throwing the glasses into the old orange sink. Anna stands there for a minute, eyebrows knit. Her glasses are falling down her nose and Elsa reaches to push them up. Anna lets out the cutest little noise before thanking her needlessly and Elsa laughs it off. “You really have nothing to thank me for.”  
  
“Nonsense! I’ll thank anyone for being friends with a… you know, someone like me.” There’s a heavy bitterness to that statement and Elsa just doesn’t understand it.  
  
“How could someone NOT hope to be friends with you?” Anna’s brows raise as she bites her lip. 'That’s hot,' Elsa thinks unabashedly. Elsa wants to finish that with a, “because you’re adorable and attractive and interesting and—“ but she doesn’t… 'probably because I’m emotionally unavailable about eighty percent of the time.' Elsa sighs at herself. 'Bitter me, thanks for returning. At least you gave me a half hour with this girl. That was nice of you.' Elsa could swear there a mocking returning voice saying she deserved these rotten thoughts and she wanted to punch herself in the head.  
  
“You’ve been way nicer to me in the last thirty minutes than people have been to me my whole life. So I’m gonna say I’M the lucky one here.” Suddenly something from Anna’s back pocket is singing, “I got a pocket—got a pocket full of sunshine I—“ and Anna chuckles before tapping her phone screen which looks to be a cracked iPhone 6 with no screen protector to keep her from slicing her fingertips. I’m going to need to fix that, Elsa realizes. “Sorry I gotta go home that’s my Mamma.” She waves timidly at Elsa much like earlier today, and the blonde almost waves back before catching herself. She holds the first door open for Anna who walks through swiftly after swinging her stick around for a moment.  
  
“See you tomorrow?” Elsa questions with hopefulness in her voice. 'Where’d that even come from?'  
  
“Yep!” And then Anna’s off. Turning right and moseying down the fairly quiet block, passing under the brown line CTA stop. Something in Elsa feels a pull to go follow her, and maybe even step into her home for a minute. But before she gets to think about acting on it, Shang is barking at her.  
  
“What the hell are you doing trying to get with that poor girl?!” Elsa’s shoulders tighten and she pouts her lips. She gives him a blank stare and he leans over the counter, pressing a fingertip against it until it’s completely white. “Elsa she is NOT like those other girls you’re always picking up!”  
  
“Shang,” Elsa starts in a low voice, walking toward the stool to fetch her coat. “You know this is different.”  
  
“HOW?! You’re doing the same shit you always do!” Elsa shakes her head and shrugs on her long navy blue peacoat.  
  
“If this was like any other time, I wouldn’t be leaving alone.” Shang groans and drops his head. His gold chain spills over the collar of his black button up and he tucks it back in safely while Elsa zips up.  
  
“Elsa… those other girls are not like her. She’s really special you know?”  
  
“I know,” Elsa answers tightly. She doesn’t make much eye contact typically, and now is no exception.  
  
“So don’t just fuck her and leave her.” Elsa turns her back to him.  
  
“You have no hold over me Shang. If that’s what happens… then that’s what happens.” Shang slams his fist against the counter top and Elsa spins around, nearly slamming the counter just as hard. “LISTEN,” she shouts, eyes wide. “I’ve been watching this girl for MONTHS, ok?! It’s past just wanting her, alright? Now back. Off.” Shang clenches his fist and tucks his hand into his saggy pocket. Elsa stands her ground, leering up at him.  
  
“But why…?” Elsa’s face drops and she steps away again. She grits her teeth and reaches for the first door knob that’s a little loose.  
  
“You said it yourself; she’s special.”  
__


	2. Everything I'm Not

  
It was a Thursday, the second day of knowing Anna. That was it. Only two days, and already Elsa was hooked. 'It’s never been like this before,' Elsa thought in awe as Anna spoke so passionately about everything from her job to the colors she could remember as a kid. 'It’s perfect. _She’s _perfect. And she’s everything I’m not. I love it.'  
  
“Yeah so when I was fourteen I lost it.”  
  
“Your sight?” Elsa asks, wiping a bit of chocolate ice cream off the counter that Anna didn’t notice she spilled.  
  
“Mhm,” Anna swallows and Elsa follows the bob of her smooth throat. “I lost it first in my right eye, then the left.” Elsa felt a lot of sympathy for her even though she hardly feels this much for people in her own family. 'And I’m just learning more about myself just listening to her speak. Fascinating.'  
  
“So you can still see light?” Anna nods but shakes her shoulders side to side. She crosses her legs and Elsa’s ashamed at how her head gets heavy when her eyes trail up from Anna’s heeled shoes up her nude shins that slowly become covered by a black pencil skirt.  
  
“I can see bright ones like spotlights or the sun or some LEDS, but not all light.” Elsa makes a noise of understanding and Anna smiles at her, pushing her glasses up her nose. Elsa crooks her head.  
  
“Can you see anything else?” Elsa quietly waves her hand a few inches back from Anna’s face.  
  
“If I can see your hand you’re waving?” Anna smirks and Elsa drops her hand in surprise. “I can’t. But I can feel the air.” Elsa embarrassedly itches her scalp and the cushion squeaks underneath her. “Don’t feel stupid,” Anna insists, reaching for Elsa’s hand, accidentally hitting Elsa’s toned stomach. Elsa gives Anna her hand and her shoulders droop with the lack of tension in them for once. “I totally get that this is new and different. I’m sure there will be plenty of little questions you have. And I’m kinda getting the feeling you’re a little too polite to ask the ones you really wanna ask.” Elsa looks at her shyly, holding Anna’s hand a little tighter as their palms rest against the cool counter. “So go for it. Do your worst.”  
  
“...Are you single?” Anna laughs and tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear, nodding yes. Elsa’s heart literally freezes up and she rubs at it with her palm. Shang clears his throat from somewhere in the place and Elsa glances at him. He’s gotten a bit softer about the whole situation.  
  
“Well I don’t need to ask if you are since Shang told me already.” Elsa freezes again. Not in a very positive way. She looks at Shang who’s skittishly cleaning up and mopping around the chairs, her eye is nearly twitching.  
  
“Oh. What else did he tell you?” She can’t hide the edge in her voice. Anna seems to notice cuz her voice gets slightly higher pitched as she explains that,  
  
“Nothing bad! He just told me you’ve had quite a number of hot girls walk in and out of your life.” Elsa stares blankly at him and he shrugs nervously. “Which is fine! You must be superduper attractive too.” Elsa almost forgot Anna can’t see her. She gets a little antsy, picking at her knee that’s crossed over the other. 'Usually looks are what get me women NOT my golden personality. It’s intimidating really.' “How does he know you so well by the way…?”  
  
“Do you know Mulan, his wife?” Anna nods yes. “She’s my watercolor teacher.”  
  
“Oh that’s cool! Is she good?”  
  
“Yes. Tough too. But we get along…” Elsa passively waves at Shang who narrows his eyes. “She’s better than him anyhow.” Anna laughs, and someone laughing WITH me? Interesting. A minute or so passes, and Anna looks to be thinking hard before Elsa flicks her company’s nose, making her laugh quietly.  
  
“Could you describe yourself? ...Or um, can I touch you to kinda feel… what you look like?”  
  
“Can we do both?” Elsa asks, sounding way more needy than she probably ever has. She chides herself mentally and Anna grins before scooting closer; their knees are touching, Anna’s is slipping between hers, and Elsa feels an abundance of warmth seep into her that easy. Anna cautiously raises her hands up and Elsa guides her to her own shoulders. Anna’s hands are small, but her grip is strong and secure. The younger of the two slides her hands up and down Elsa’s coat, tightening her lip on one side.  
“Sorry, can you take your coat off? I can’t feel much with it on.” Elsa does it easily, undoing her black wool scarf as well. She tries for a joke.  
  
“You must want to touch a lot more than my face.” Anna stiffens up and Elsa does the same in return. But then Anna busts out with a chuckle, breath smelling delicious like chocolate. Elsa breathes it in, momentarily feeling creepy for doing so, and then she realizes, 'ok I’ve eaten out strangers I should not be feeling this stupid.' Then because she used the phrase “eat out” in her head she feels another level of stupid. 'I can’t win.'  
  
“I mean… maybe?” Elsa lights up inside. “Nothing sexual necessarily.”  
  
“Necessarily?” Elsa asks with a brow raised up near her hairline. And if her heart could stop beating so loudly maybe she could hear what Anna is saying. Anna pauses mid sentence. “Hmm?” Elsa questions.  
  
“Are you scared?” Elsa raises both brows now. “Your heart is beating a mill a minute.” Elsa looks down and when did her hand get there? The freckled hand is pressed soundly against her chest, just above her breast to not count as touching it. “Or you like me.” Elsa sucks in hard. “Wait. No way,” Anna says loosely. She retracts her hand and something in Elsa makes her grab it back, pressing it against her chest again to a heart now beating two million beats a minute. Anna’s silently cursing her big mouth because now she’s stuck in this weird state of wanting to know how and why and where and when and what for? Apparently her mouth is moving without any noise like a puppet and she clenches her jaw shut.  
  
“Too forward?” Elsa asks worriedly, ignoring Shang who’s speaking to someone at the drive through rather loudly. Anna smiles softly and Elsa feels like she’s going to die of sweetness.  
  
“I was the one who just outed you,” Anna laughs. Her hands slide down Elsa’s arms and twitch as if they want to reach for Elsa’s waist… but they don’t. Her hands slide upward and to Elsa’s gently sloping shoulders until they reach the sides of her slim neck. “Tell me if my touches are getting weird ok?” Anna slides her fingers past Elsa’s perfect braid, and they both smile at the comment Anna makes while she compares it to chocolate. The redhead touches the tense back of Elsa’s jaw and traces the shell of her ears. Elsa panics a little here, feeling suddenly vulnerable and 'this is not something I’d ever let anyone else do.' Anna brushes over her temples and slightly tussles Elsa’s swept back bangs, humming something. 'Why am I letting her do this?' Anna drags one finger down between Elsa’s eyes and boops her on the nose with a quiet laugh. Elsa smiles despite herself. 'And can my heart just CALM down?!'  
  
“What color are your eyes?”  
  
“Light blue. Like… like clear water?”  
  
“Oh cute,” Anna responds, cautiously touching Elsa’s eyelashes. “Do you wear makeup?”  
  
“Purple eyeshadow, a lighter kind these days. And blush. And…” Anna drags her thumb over Elsa’s bottom lip and wow is that distracting. Elsa lets her do it anyhow. “And a darker red lipstick.”  
  
“Mmm,” Anna’s brows are tight, like she’s focusing so hard on this, on Elsa. And Elsa wracks her brain to think of who else has “looked” at her like that. “Your skin is so smooth. Wow.”  
  
“Thank you,” Elsa whispers. She notices how close they are right now, nearly touching noses that are both button-like. She wonders if she should be backing away or moving closer. Her brain just won’t shut up however and instead of taking the leap, she gets distracted by Shang who’s suddenly shouting,  
  
“AURORA! Hang on!” Elsa stiffens like a deer in headlights and her eyes widen. Apparently the French girl had been arguing with him for a while and when Shang had explained Elsa was busy, she popped her head in through the drive in window and saw Elsa, face in someone else’s hands. Aurora was now stomping her way through the doors and Elsa took Anna’s hands in hers before regretfully pulling them away, but she keeps those soft hands in her lap.  
  
“OK. Excuse me?!” Comes the french whiny voice Elsa’s all too familiar with and only really enjoys it 'when she’s moaning my na— alright that’s enough of that,' comes her sharp mental voice.  
  
KA-TK!  
  
“Can you not break my door?!” Shang yells. Aurora flips him off and then flips Elsa off who gives an apologetic look to Anna which she can’t see, so over the yelling she whispers,  
  
“I’m sorry Anna. This is not wh—“  
  
“—ELSA!” Elsa looks at Aurora, aggravation clear on her face. “Are you seriously talking to other girls after just last night?!” Elsa bites the inside of her lip and watches Anna pull away, standing up slightly while reaching for her walking stick. “Elsa why can’t I just be enough for you?!”  
  
“Alright, Aurora.” Elsa stands too, only looking at Anna who’s sliding her coat on but looks to be struggling. Elsa helps her and Anna smiles appreciatively and quickly. Aurora is standing there, looking about ready to stomp her foot like a toddler.  
  
“How many people have you slept with in the last week Elsa? Huh?!” Elsa’s jaw becomes rigid and she runs her fingers through her tousled hair. Anna looks to be biting her tongue and trying painfully hard to ignore this. “And now what? You’re gonna stoop as low as getting BLIND girls?!” Elsa huffs loudly and shoots Aurora the coldest look she can muster before swearing through her teeth that,  
  
“If you don’t stop right now, we are never talking again.” Apparently the iciness in her voice worked, because Aurora drops her head and tucks her arms against her extra slim waist. She sniffs and Elsa wants to roll her eyes. The crying act. Again. Anna clears her throat and touches Elsa’s arm.  
  
“I’ll… see you, ok?” It’s Anna who’s speaking now. Elsa takes a step forward and holds Anna’s wrist. Aurora watches through glassy eyes.  
  
“May I walk you? It’s especially icy out tonight.” Anna bites her lip and tips her head to the side. Aurora sniffs again and Anna rethinks herself.  
  
“I think you have other things to be um… tending to?” Elsa looks at Aurora through the corner of her eye and bows her head in Anna’s direction.  
  
“Will you wait just a few more minutes? I’d really like to walk you home.” Anna nods back and forth rather than up and down and Elsa guides her over toward the other side of the twenty-seat store. Elsa watches her new friend sit before turning back to Aurora, crossing her arms. “Aurora this is too much.”  
  
“Gugh, are you serious?” Aurora sounds so weak, and her body is hunched now. “Elsa I just want it to be exclusive I’ve told you that I—“  
  
“—And I told you I’m not interested in having a relationship with you—“  
  
“—But you will with her?!” Aurora flails her arm in Anna’s direction and Anna rubs her forehead awkwardly, turning her back to them. “Who even is that Elsa? Why is she suddenly so special when you an I have been fucking since we were nineteen li—“  
  
“—Please watch how you speak,” Elsa begs, constantly looking back at Anna whose shoulders are significantly more tense now.  
  
“Well she should know,” Aurora says loudly. Elsa shuts her eyes tight, hoping this isn’t real. She can feel the burn of Aurora’s brown eyes on her. “She should know you’ve been sleeping around on me for years now.”  
  
“Please don’t,” Elsa whines, body falling forward just a fraction.  
  
“She should know you have absolutely zero remorse for the people around you.” Elsa’s jaw is so tight her teeth might as well crunch into nothing, exposing the bloody nerves. “She should know your parents disowned you when you were fifteen because you’re a big, sloppy fucking lesbian who only feels ANYTHING by screwing as many stupid insecure women you can get your cold love devoid HANDS ON!” Elsa sits down, collapsing backward with her fingers digging into her knees.  
  
….  
  
“I think we’re done here,” Elsa coughs. “Thanks Aurora.” Elsa has no emotion in her voice. 'And yeah, go back in your own head now Elsa. Close yourself off. Stop your feelings. Not that you ever COULD handle them.' Elsa’s gaze is on her zip up boots that are dirtied with salt and snow. Aurora sniffs again and turns toward the door.  
  
“I love you Elsa.” The woman she’s referring to hisses at those words. “I’ll still wait for you.” The door shuts.  
  
….  
  
….  
  
Anna slaps her stick against the floor a few times before kicking her foot out to find her stool. Shang is busying himself with another order at drive through, though he looks intensely disturbed by the whole situation. Elsa’s still just sitting there, completely blank emotionally and physically. 'Just like always.' Anna hesitates before rubbing Elsa’s shoulder, and Elsa can tell it’s a lot less friendly than earlier. She sinks even more.  
  
“Look um,” Anna picks at the seam of her jeans. “I don’t… know you too well. But maybe that’s good? Maybe you have a lot of baggage and I don't need to associate with it….” Elsa doesn’t really have words to say to that, even though she really should. 'But that’s typical for you isn’t it Elsa?' She sighs and Anna sympathetically rubs her a little harder over her scapula. “Well I’m still willing to um, have you walk with me.” Elsa perks up a bit.  
  
“Really?” Anna hums cutely and nods. Elsa stands, and so does Anna. “Let’s go then.” Anna smiles at her and Elsa almost forgets about the heartache she was just feeling. She holds the door open for Anna with a bit of a shake in her step, and as Anna walks through the door, she switches her stick to her other hand and holds onto Elsa’s arm. The blonde feels her breath escape her and she feels ridiculous for such a reaction when it’s something so simple, so ordinary.  
  
“Bye Shang,” Anna calls out, and he grunts in response, wiping the counter free of sticky ice cream and the spit of Aurora. Elsa bows her head at him, barely making eye contact, before closing the door behind them.  
  
….  
  
….  
  
“There’s a huge patch of ice coming up,” Elsa warns, loving that Anna scooted closer to her for warmth and support. Anna huffs a breath of air that’s visible in this lovely twenty degree weather with her teeth clicking.  
“I’m dying. I’m dying! It’s so cold.” Elsa grins and pulls Anna closer, stopping herself from leaning her chin on the redhead but allowing her arm to wrap around Anna’s upper back. When Anna settles into her side, Elsa thinks she might melt. Have I ever felt this way before? A spark of panic lights up in her chest and bubbles over until Anna starts talking. “Els?”  
  
“Els?”  
  
“Yeah cute nickname, right?” Anna turns toward her and smiles sweetly with perfectly straight teeth. Elsa grins crookedly at her feet, hardly watching ahead of them. “Ok I have five more blocks. We just passed Western?” Elsa looks up.  
  
“Just now.”  
  
“Turn right.” Elsa does, and they're walking down a quiet side street where the busy cars rushing by are quieting down. There are lots of cracks in the concrete that Anna expertly strolls over. Clearly she’s got this street mapped out to a tee. “I’ve been living here since I was born,” Anna mentions helpfully. Elsa nods, taking a minute to realize Anna can’t see that. But the shorter of them grins. “Did you just nod?” Elsa almost nods again.  
  
“Yes. Apologies.” Anna waves it off with her stick in her hand. They walk a bit further, and Elsa starts fumbling with the inside of her pocket. 'I want to say something about earlier but I just… don’t know what to say.' The usual Elsa would just let it sit there, not even worrying about the repercussions of it all. In the end she knows she could have just found another girl to see that night. But this isn’t that. This is Anna. 'And I still don’t know why I care so much.'  
  
When Elsa looks over at her friend, she just feels this intense calmness wash over her that’s nothing like any other feeling she’s had. She furrows her brows out of tenderness that’s completely new to her, and she just stares. And maybe her staring was a little too intense because she trips over a stick and in turn, Anna almost falls with her.  
  
“Geez,” Elsa huffs, rubbing her hand over her head. She caught Anna before her and now her ankle is definitely hurting with every shift of her weight. “I’m sorry I was—“  
  
“—No trust me. If I’d have tripped I’d never have caught myself and I’d be a gross mess sprawled all over the freakin’ place.” And then Anna seems to shut her mouth and now Elsa is realizing she’s got both hands on Anna’s waist covered by her coat and Anna is holding her upper arms, her walking stick is caught against Elsa’s tricep.  
  
….  
  
Elsa leans in slightly closer, completely disregarding their surroundings or if anyone is looking for once in her life. She’s almost nose to nose with Anna and Anna must notice because she breathes slightly more shallow, and that sweet scent of her mouth is driving Elsa wild. Her fingers tighten on the slim waist and she wants to just pull her in….  
  
“I...I just want to know one thing,” Anna whispers. A big red truck rides by and scrapes it’s broken muffler on a speed bump and neither of them notice. “Is everything she said true?” Elsa forgets how to breathe, and she has to consciously take several breaths before answering.  
  
“...Everything except for you being just some blind girl.” Anna visibly looks touched. She reaches for her glasses and idly pushes them up her nose before struggling to keep them up in her hair so her eyes are exposed to Elsa. 'And they are a beautiful green blue that I could look into for days.' Her eyes look almost watery.  
  
“I...I feel like you’re not lying.”  
  
“I’m not.”  
  
“I believe you. And I don’t know why and honestly that’s kind of scary as shit.” Elsa laughs just for a second before growing more serious. “Elsa I feel like I already know you like we’re somehow… connected?” Anna’s eyes are looking just to the left of Elsa before they slowly inch closer to bluer eyes.  
  
“I feel the same way,” Elsa confesses, finally giving in and pulling Anna against her so they’re hugging. Usually Elsa would be kicking and screaming to get out of this, but she’s the reason it’s even happening right now and she’s so confused. Her head is spinning and it’s not from carnal desire. The press of Anna’s warmth that escapes through her coat is something she craves more of and, “Ugh I feel like I love y—“ Elsa pulls away out of nowhere and Anna stumbles a step back, foot slipping a bit on pesky ice. Elsa’s holding her hand over her mouth as if she had just said the dirtiest word known to man.  
  
“H-hey are you panicking? I’m—it’s ok, Els it’s not anything wrong—“  
  
“—I don’t know what I’m saying,” Elsa breathes, voice totally void of any inflection. She drops her hand and it slaps against her thigh. “I...I don’t know.” Anna bites her lip and frustratedly clenches a fist.  
  
“I wish I could just see you right now,” she sighs. “And I’m already kind of guessing you’re not a talker.” Elsa doesn’t answer. “So I guess it’s good I ask lots of questions.” Elsa hugs herself and suddenly feels hyper aware of the things around her. Like the cat in the window behind her, or the guy three blocks away. “First one; would you like to stay for dinner?”  
__


	3. Late Night Calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a hint to sexual abuse but none of it is graphic. If you feel that may trigger you still, please skip over this chapter once you get to a call between Anna and Elsa, ok?

  
Apparently one thing about Elsa is still the same; she’s still an awkward jumble of nerves in front of new people (excluding Anna somehow). It took a little convincing but Elsa ended up here, sitting at the round dining room table with a warm light shining above them leaving them all with unattractive shadows that darken their eyes while they shove chicken and broccoli into their mouths. Something Elsa noticed though, is that Anna is somehow even more bubbly and cute when in the company of her parents who Elsa pegs as the quiet types. Anna talks and talks and Elsa honestly kind of loves it since it takes the attention off her. And now the two adults are looking over at her with questions on their lips.  
  
“So Elsa,” comes the deep voice of Anna’s father. She sets her fork and knife down politely and he smiles at her. “Ah no need to be so formal,” he hitches his thumb to the side toward Anna who’s stuffing her face with way too much food at once and Elsa grins subtly. “Anna talked about you for like two hours yesterday.” The girl he’s referring to groans and Elsa’s heart speeds up. She really talked about me? And then Elsa feels guilty for having immediately repressed the thought of Anna by screwing the brains out of her long time… 'sex friend?' She didn’t know. But then the same thought of Aurora made her feel angry all over again so she pushes it deep into her constantly churning mushy brain.  
  
“Sounds like our girl finally has a crush on so—“  
  
“ _—Mamma! _” Anna shouts, her fingers twitching in the air. “Good Lord,” Anna cries into her palm. Her glasses are off and resting on the table, so Elsa’s happy to see those eyes again that stay shut most of the time. Her mother tsks and smiles at Elsa, they’re sitting fairly close together while Anna is next to her father. He brushes his fingers over the back of her head and she swats at him.  
  
“Oh come on,” he says, pulling at the collar of his tight white button up. “It’s a good thing. We always hoped you’d meet someone.”  
  
“Leave me alone,” Anna whines, shaking her head and shoving more food into her pouty mouth. Elsa watches her in wonder, a soft look on her face as she gazes. There’s a humming next to her ear and Elsa turns her head to see Iduna, with her tan skin and slightest crinkle under her eyes, watching her.  
  
“Well now we know Elsa must feel similar.” Elsa drops her eyes and eats slowly. “I must say, for someone who speaks so little you seem to exude an overwhelming amount of confidence.”  
  
“Or maybe it’s something else,” Agnarr comments. Elsa raises a brow.  
  
“More like self-consciousness,” Elsa laughs. And then she wonders why she even let that slip. But Iduna shakes her head.  
  
“No you’re a strong girl. I can sense it,” Agnarr rebbutles. Anna’s sipping her Coke that makes her tongue feel like it’s about to sizzle to a crisp.  
  
"Hey I agree," Anna quickly adds. Smiling in Elsa’s direction.  
  
“...Well that’s quite flattering,” Elsa mumbles. She straightens her back and they all finish up their meals while Anna talks to them about every last detail, helpfully explaining lingo along the way about her job right now.  
  
“Els you paint right? You should talk about it more,” Anna suggests as Elsa helps Iduna put the plates and utensils in the janky pale washing machine they’ve had for twelve years. Their house in general is quaint and neutral in color. There are lots of crooked portraits and photos of Anna and her family all over the place which Elsa found quite charming.  
  
“Sure,” Elsa agrees, washing her hands off. “I typically paint architecture, but I mostly draw life drawings and portraits. Um…” Elsa shrugs, and Iduna is listening with a small smile.  
  
“That sounds lovely! Agnarr used to do oil.”  
  
“Used to?” Elsa asks, finally noticing a little scar that makes it impossible for Iduna to grow on that side of her eyebrow.  
  
“He got into computer engineering,” she explains with a bittersweet look on her face. “I’ll have to show you his paintings the next time you come over.”  
  
“Oh, next time?” Elsa looks at Anna who’s grinning at her feet that are playing together.  
  
“Mhm,” Iduna says, fixing her necklace. “You seem like you have a lot to talk about… somewhere in there.” Elsa almost laughs. Not boring old Elsa.  
  
“Mamma? I’m gonna take Elsa upstairs now.” Iduna bites back a smile before nodding slowly.  
  
“Alright. Don’t have too much fun now.” Anna groans obnoxiously long and Elsa feels her face redden. 'I’ve never had parents hint for me to take advantage of the situation. Hmm.' Anna waves for Elsa who walks over and places her hand on the small of the younger's. Anna's hips twist and she watches a shiver run over Anna's shoulders. The floorboards creak loudly under their feet as they walk toward a narrow sepia door next to the modest buffet in the dining room connected to the large living room near the front of the house. Anna twists the jiggly black knob and off they go up the dangerously narrow stairs that go to the attic.  
  
"Have you ever fallen down these?" Elsa wonders worriedly. Anna gets to the landing and reaches for Elsa's hand that isn't given quite so fast. It takes her a minute to think about what an extended hand even means. 'I don't even think my parents ever did that.' When Elsa does hold her hand they both feel their shoulders relax.  
  
"N-no I haven't. But I used to go down them on my butt as a kid," Anna says with a quiet chuckle. Elsa would humor her by laughing but she was taking in the sights and having her eyes being erupted by the intensity of the green on the walls caked with posters of video game characters from the early 2000's. On top of those there are records all over her room thrown under and on top of anything and everything (including her Audiotechnica turntable and the Yamaha stereo receiver) and 'how does someone live like this?'  
  
"Well uh, welcome to my dungeon, well attic, well my room," Anna finishes with a laugh. "I promise I know where everything is… somehow." Elsa pfft’s and Anna whacks her upper arm. "Hey I do!"  
  
"Mhm," Elsa hums with a smirk. The attic is actually pretty roomy expanding across the whole top of the house with plenty of closets Elsa's guessing are stocked full of more stuff.  
  
"I do! Like to the right's by the window above my bed, I have my Google home thingy that tells me everything including the weather and my schedule. And over there," Anna points to a pile of pants on the floor. "The first one is a pair of blue jeans and then black dress pants, and after that there are four different jeans." Elsa had to accept that. She was exactly right. "I'm totallyyyy organized!"  
  
"...You should see my apartment," Elsa remarks with a breath of a laugh.  
  
"Clean on clean on clean?" Anna asks, dragging Elsa over to a plush two-seater in the center of two narrow walls where a window is. When they drop down onto it, Anna immediately presses her knees into Elsa’s, still holding one cold hand on top of her slightly thicker thigh.  
  
“It is quite clean,” Elsa admits, staring at their entwined fingers. “I live downtown, I never mentioned that before.”  
  
“That must be so cool! I still remember walking around the Bean and jumping into lake Michigan every Sunday during summer break with Mamma.” Anna’s face which was originally lit up flickers out just slightly, and Elsa assumes it’s because she wishes she had her sight again, but Anna surprises her with, “Too bad I can’t do that with you. I’d probably just be really annoying,” she laughs out without any humor. Elsa feels her stomach sink a little before she holds Anna’s hand tighter.  
  
“I’d love to go out with you sometime,” Elsa admits. Anna shrugs so Elsa presses her side into Anna, and 'ugh why does it feel so right?' Anna leans her head on the blonde’s shoulder covered by a red silk shirt and sniffs. “Did you just sniff me?” Anna grins before letting out a,  
  
“No way. Nope. You don’t smell like white chocolate or anything. No.” Elsa smiles with her narrow chin on Anna’s rose scented hair and wraps her arm tighter around Anna’s weak upper back.  
  
“I suppose you smell ok too.” Anna chuckles and Elsa wants to kiss the top of Anna’s head so bad and she wonders. “Do you have a preference…?”  
  
“Preference? Milk, dark, or white?” Elsa smiles before restating her question.  
  
“Women or men.” Anna sits up and Elsa misses that heat.  
  
“...I don’t really know, um. I’ve only had one boyfriend… if you could call him that. It was um,” Anna bites her lip and picks at her sleeve before releasing Elsa’s hand. “Bad. Bad situation,” Anna says through her teeth. The tenseness of Anna’s jaw and the pain in her brow makes Elsa feel a stab of pain in her chest. There’s an uncomfortably sick feeling she’s getting and with the way Anna’s becoming increasingly less affection in the next few minutes makes Elsa wonder what BAD really meant. ...She doesn’t push, but this will definitely be something she has no choice but to confront later.  
  
Fortunately… Anna definitely thinks she’s a keeper.  
  
By day fifteen, Elsa and Anna are talking everyday, whether it’s in person, a call, or a text message Google can read aloud on Anna’s outdated and cracked phone. Their conversations are less stilted, but Anna is definitely still the outgoing one.   
The amount of innocent dreams about Anna definitely outweigh the raunchier ones and Elsa's not upset by that. She always had drilled into her head that, 'no, you don't like this girl just because she's hot and you wanna sleep with her.' But then there's Anna, who has been in her dreams almost every night since she saw her a few months ago at Shang's shop, and Elsa hasn't touched her intimately even once. And every night at ten, no matter how exhausted Elsa is, she stays waiting up for Anna's call while tucked into her fluffy indigo sheets scrolling through watercolorists and illustrators on Instagram. But on night sixteen, she never gets a call.  
  
Elsa hates to admit that she'd been tossing and turning until it was eleven and she knows she has class at eight-twenty but when she reaches for the phone and presses the call button, most rational thought is gone.  
  
Brr-inggg.  
  
Brr-inggggg.  
  
"Hello?" Comes a quieter and less excitable Anna. Water is running in the background.  
  
"It's Elsa," there's a little breath of relief on the other end and Elsa sits up, blankets bunched at her waist. "I'm sorry to bother, I just wanted to check in."  
  
"Well thank you," Anna says sounding oddly dejected. Elsa frowns at the tone. "I'm… I'll be ok." Elsa worries her lip before speaking again.  
  
"Can I do anything?" She really means that (for the first time in forever). Elsa can almost hear the slight smile in Anna's voice when she speaks again.  
  
"You're too nice to me, Els. I really don't deserve it." Elsa laughs bitterly.  
  
"Quite the opposite, sweetheart." That last word just spilled out and she sticks out her tongue at the sappiness but Anna aaaw’s at it and Elsa's face feels a little warmer. She finds herself touching the side of her own face as she smiles against her phone.  
  
"Ugh you're adorable," Anna coos, sounding slightly more like her usual self. Elsa wants to push herself to make Anna forget whatever is bothering her right now, at least for an hour.  
  
"You're adorable-er." Anna aaaw’s at that too and Elsa chuckles easily, laying back. "Hey Anna?"  
  
"Mhm?" The water is turned off and a quiet rustling replaces it. Elsa wracks her brain to think of something that would successfully distract her friend. Only one thing keeps coming to her mind.  
  
"I-I know I don't talk about me much, and you have no reason to believe me, but…" Elsa closes her eyes, as if that hides her vulnerability. "But that time I almost said that I l-lo--" Elsa clears her throat that feels like it's being crushed by a huge rock.  
  
"Yeah?" It's dead silent on Anna's end now. And did she almost sound hopeful?  
  
"I think that with you… it's going to be easy. It's going to be easy to l-love… you, Anna."  
  
….  
  
….  
  
Elsa is panicking now.  
  
….  
  
There's a harsh sniff and Elsa sits up again, eyes wide. She clutches the blanket between her long fingers.  
  
"Els I-I have something to confess to you, ok?" Elsa didn't like the sound of that but that dislike was tripled when it came to the sound of Anna crying. Anna was barely speaking, and every word was almost impossible to decipher. Elsa swung her legs over the bed and focused intensely.  
  
"I-I'm so-so scared of in-SNIFF-timacy cuz HICK--remember the boyfriend I had? He--" Before Anna spoke again she cried so aggressively into the phone that Elsa felt her whole body shrivel up and she found herself tearing up dangerously quick. 'But you can't cry you emotionless sack of bones,' comes the vile voice in her mind. She hunches over.  
  
"Assault," is all Anna can breathe out, and it seems like air is in short supply. Elsa herself is familiar with the intense desperate feeling of a panic attack and the ruggedness of Anna's choking is exactly what she remembers.  
  
"Anna," she calls firmly. "Try counting to twenty. Breathe in between each number." She can hear Anna start, and Elsa's being pulled in thirty directions at once.  
  
'Assault?! How could someone hurt a beautiful person like her'-- but then the more aggressive side of her mind cuts in with--'Well YOU only started talking to her cuz you wanted in'--and then the other part of Elsa fights back with-- 'NO way. She's different alright?!--You said the same about Aurora you ass--'  
  
There's a huge gasp for air and a loud choked sob that snaps Elsa back into her body.  
  
"Els does that make you--sniff--think less of me now?" Elsa's brows just about touch one another.  
  
"No! No way, I'd never think of you any different!" And Elsa wonders when she's ever sounded so desperate. "Anna are you going to be ok? I'll go to you right now if you need me." It almost sounds like Anna's considering it before she sniffs and quietly replies.  
  
"You have no idea how nice that is but I think I want to be alone tonight." Elsa nods to no one. And when a minute of listening to her friend's breath goes by, Anna says something that will change their lives forever.  
  
"Do you think I could come over tomorrow?"  
  
It was all planned out. Tomorrow at two Elsa had her favorite driver (who constantly picked up her "dates," if you could call them that) would get Anna from her place on West Carmen and bring her here to North Michigan. It was one fifty-three now and Elsa was waiting outside, standing against the beige brick of the building as lots of pedestrians pass her by on the double wide sidewalk. Her doorwoman stands inside waiting for her looking at her as if she's an idiot for waiting in the cold. Maybe she's right.   
Then she sees that white Tesla Aladdin has and she rushes over to the curb. He only has ten seconds to pause before horns light him up. Elsa pulls the silver handle and takes Anna's hand.  
  
"Hey sweetheart," Elsa greets, pulling her friend out gently.  
  
"Oh me?" Aladdin asks with a toothy grin. "And here I thought you were les!" Anna grins at him and waves goodbye. Elsa rolls her eyes sharply and clicks her phone to pay him. He zips off and Anna takes a moment to hug her right here in the crowd. Elsa hugs her back, smiling with her chin on Anna's shoulder.  
  
"Everything good on the way here?" Elsa asks as the elevator dings loudly.  
  
"Yeah totally fine! Al was really nice too." Anna leans into Elsa's side and drags her hand down Elsa's arm before tangling their fingers together. Elsa breathes out in relief at the touch and Anna makes a sly comment about it. "Seems like you really like affection, huh." Elsa wrinkles her lip on one side and groans in good-meaning.  
  
Ding! As the elevator opens, Anna asks,  
  
"What floor is this?"  
  
"Nine," Elsa answers, turning right and narrating how many doors she passes before taking Anna's hand and brushing her fingertips against the door number. Elsa knew that in the case of assault, it was typical that victims always needed to find escape routes no matter what situation. She assumed Anna was this way as one of the girls she had slept with had explained it to her as that. Her name was Jasmine… and now Aladdin is her husband. 'What a way to find a driver,' Elsa thinks with a shake of her head. She let Anna turn the gold knob and push in. Anna takes a second before entering.  
  
"S-sorry if I'm a little jittery I haven't really allowed myself to go to new friends' places since... You know. That, hah." Elsa doesn't say anything, she just runs her thumb over Anna's and gently closes the door, just loud enough for Anna to know it's closed now.  
  
"Alright, do you want me to explain the layout to you?"  
  
"...Um yeah. That'd be thoughtful. Wow." Anna's face lights up a fraction and Elsa's tempted to lift those dark glasses up so she can see those pretty greenish blue eyes she's been missing.  
  
"One thing," Elsa starts, squishing Anna's nose and making her giggle cutely. "May I take off your glasses?"  
  
"Sure!" Elsa does it for her, being as slow as she can and purposefully brushing her fingers against Anna's freckled face before pushing the glasses up into red hair. Those eyes are so sweet and Elsa really just wants to kiss her, here in her unromantic tight hallway. 'Not the right time.' Elsa clears her throat before giving Anna the tour, going room by room, describing it all down to the floor tile.  
  
"...And here's the bedroom."  
  
"...What you're not gonna describe this room that's gotten you loads of puss--"  
  
"--Ugh," Anna laughs at the reaction and pinches Elsa's side. "It's just a bed, and only Aurora's been--anyway." Anna's head tilts to the side.  
  
"You usually go to other people's…?"  
  
"Yeah, I prefer to be less… less attached."  
  
"Aurora, huh?" Anna sounds slightly spiteful and Elsa can't pinpoint why that somehow makes her feel fuzzy in her gut. "Well after you describe how this room looks," Elsa's almost grateful Anna's the one being more forceful because she desperately needs to be broken out of her old habits. "Do you think you could tell me about some of your 'relationship' history?" Elsa's mouth opens but nothing really comes out.  
  
"...Why would you want to know?" the blonde asks, knowing it sounds a tad too defensive.  
  
"In case you and I end up dating."  
  
….  
  
Elsa can't stop the cheesy smile from making her lips part to reveal her perfect white teeth she almost never shows off. Anna looks to be doing something similar. Her pea green shoulderless shirt is pressed into Elsa's chest and,  
  
"Well look who's heart is picking up." Elsa groans playfully and pulls Anna further into the room so they’re sitting on the small little bench at the bottom of the bed. Elsa looks around while Anna takes in the smell of Elsa she hopes to become more acquainted with. “Smells good in here,” Anna comments.  
  
“I light incense pretty often.” Elsa looks to her left and takes Anna’s hand to point out where the door is. She keeps Anna’s hand raised while she points to other things, like; “There’s the small fireplace I never use. Marble tile. There’s a wall of my paintings, and there’s my drawing table. It’s oak. And um. To the right is the window with lots of natural light.” Anna looks so focused that it makes her lips puff out and Elsa finds herself looking far too closely before pressing Anna’s palm down against her dark comforter. “That’s the bed. Obviously.” She tries skipping over that part really, clearing her throat. She watches Anna’s fingers pick at the sheets curiously.  
  
“Geez they’re soft,” Anna comments quietly. “But not as soft as your hair… or what I imagine y-- AHEM. Hah. Hah….” Elsa’s eye twitches and she decides Anna next to her bed is a bad idea for now. And maybe always.  
__


	4. Too Fast

  
It was the same night, and after Elsa thoroughly described her bedroom, she evacuated Anna out to her posh living room. 'Seeing her so close to my bed is far too distracting,' Elsa had thought. Anna's standing with her mismatched socked toes digging into the fluffy white carpet with her hip against an oak windowsill. Her finger is near the latch, and when Elsa settles on the other side of the tall window, she undoes the lock and lifts up with a _shhk! _  
  
Beeeep!!! DKDKDK KSSH!  
  
Anna's gentle smile is lit by the weary winter sky painted in greys and blues, dulling her vibrant hair and pink glossy lips. Elsa explores the brownish eyeshadow perfectly placed on her friend's lids and wonders,  
  
"How'd you get your makeup on so well?"  
  
"I was doing it before I lost my sight." Elsa hums. "I can see some light, you know? Comes in handy with work and..." Anna bravely drags a finger over the bridge of Elsa's nose and Elsa can't breathe right. "And it comes in handy for seeing you. Sort of."  
  
"T-that's interesting," Elsa remarks dumbly, fingers making the windowsill whine with her grip. Anna's staring into her in a way that's oddly intimidating yet timid. "What can you see?" Anna bites her lip and 'ungh stop thinking about that so much!' Instead of saying anything, Anna leans closer, threading her fingers through Elsa's loose bangs swept over her forehead elegantly. Elsa's lashes flutter at the feeling.  
  
"You must have super duper light hair since I can hardly see it. Um," Anna's eyes drop down a tad. "You have a beautiful curve to your jaw." Anna traces the sharp bones with her fingers and Elsa turns into the touch with a stinging desire starting to sit in her waist. Then Anna slides her hand down over the long neck which connects to slim shoulders and her hand sits there. And it continues to sit there while Anna sucks her own tongue inside her mouth, releasing it with a pop. 'Am I even breathing right now?' Elsa wonders with red tinted ears.  
  
"Els?" Anna asks softly, clearly leaning into the taller woman's face. Elsa can't move. "Would you be able to wait for us to um… h-have sex if we do get together?" Elsa's mind went blank and she had to physically shake her head to break through. She gently reaches for Anna's waist and pulls her closer so their foreheads bump, and both of them shut their eyes.  
  
"I'll wait as long as you need," Elsa answers, feeling her stomach drop when Anna whimpers at the touch of her lips against Anna's. Just like that they're kissing, and it's hardly even one yet. Their lips are barely puckered or parted and they're both grabbing each other's clothes almost feeling tortured. Elsa wraps her fingers in Anna's belt loops and pulls their hips against each other. When Anna gasps at the feeling, Elsa slips her tongue in.  
  
"Nnn," Anna whines, wrapping her fingers into Elsa's blouse. These hands on her shoulders and this plush bottom lip she's sucking on has no other comparison. 'This is Anna. Only Anna. Only ever Anna.' Her body is lit up and sensitive as if little cars are zipping through every vein. She wraps her arms around Anna's lower back and pulls her into the space she's made between her thin thighs. Elsa's kissing Anna harder now, completely in bliss at the feeling, relying on the window to hold her up. They're sucking and whining and just aching to have each other more and now and it feels so good and with Anna's smaller hand trickling down to Elsa's breast. Elsa loses it. She touches Anna above her waist over her shirt on her stomach before taking Anna's jaw with her thumb and tilting her head to one side.  
  
She places warm kisses all over Anna's sensitive neck, and when Elsa groans the words, "I want you so badly though," Anna moans but pulls out of her hold as fast as she can like a startled cat.  
  
"I-I need a minute," Anna raspily says, continuing to step back unsteadily. She's about to knock into a low glass coffee table and Elsa grabs at her wrist. "Stop stop stop!" Elsa lets go as fast as light and Anna trips backward, catching herself roughly on her right wrist against the edge of the same table. She shakes her hand out hissing. "Dammit."  
  
"Anna I'm sorry! I didn't mean like--I'm so so sorry." Elsa feels the anxiety burning inside of her chest and it's worse knowing it was her who made Anna react this way.  
  
"It's fine… I overreacted. I thought I could handle it I--" Elsa sucks in a breath and reaches out for Anna's back, rubbing her shoulder blade. The redhead seems to relax, leaning into the touch until her back is pressed solidly against Elsa's chest. Although Elsa feels the slightest bit of discomfort in this position, she pushes through since Anna is clearly calming down. Anna brings her hands up to tug at the sides of her own hair while she huffs heavily.  
  
"God I just--I just wanna be normal again," she says with her voice cracking. Elsa feels her heart twist into a knot and she holds Anna's waist tighter, wrapping her arms around her. "One person completely destroyed me and it's just…" Anna sniffs loudly, covering her face with her hands. "It's so unfair." She starts crying, but it's obvious she's trying to hold it in because every so often she sucks in a shaky breath. Elsa freezes. 'I should just hug her, right? I should just be here for her.' But then when Elsa just stays where she is, she starts to get hot in the face with annoyance. 'Just do this for someone once come on! She's different!'  
  
"I'm awful at giving affection," Elsa admits quietly, and Anna's shoulders continue to shake. She looks down at the back of red hair and presses a kiss to her colic. "So correct me if you must. But…" Elsa gently turns Anna to face her, and it takes a little bit of force, but Anna allows her to do so anyway. Once Anna is facing her, Elsa pulls those hands away while Anna whines in protest, and kisses away a couple of loose tears. Anna's eyes open and more tears fall that Elsa rushes to kiss up. Something about it for Elsa feels oddly soothing and useful, but there's still an ache in her waist that makes her shut her eyes while she does it. With her eyes shut she can at least imagine this is a different part of Anna's body. 'But then you're really selfish and conniving aren't you?' Elsa hisses at that ruthless voice that pops its ugly head out again.  
  
"Bad at affection?" Anna's wrists are still caught in Elsa's hold so she puts her palms against Elsa's bony chest. "That was like the sweetes--SNIFF--thing I've ever felt." It definitely makes Elsa feel less dirty. Anna bites her bottom lip in thought and Elsa knows she's staring again. "I'm sorry." But Elsa snaps back into reality to fix a loose piece of Anna's surprisingly soft hair.  
  
"Please don't apologize," Elsa declares. "It's nothing wrong. And…" Elsa closes her eyes before opening them a few seconds later. "If we never… get there." Anna nods. "I can live with that because I, um." Elsa purses her lips. "There's something about you, and--and us. And I would really like to… find out what that something is." Anna rubs away the dampness on her cheeks and steps on her tippy toes to kiss Elsa softly.  
  
"You're adorable," Anna giggles, making Elsa squirm. "So… girlfriends?" Elsa's heart pounds so hard and suddenly that she grabs at it.  
  
"...If you'd let me have that honor." Anna giggles again, and can she be any sweeter? Elsa might implode.  
  
"You're so so cute," Anna swoons, getting back the peppiness of her normal voice. The rest of the evening is spent shyly holding hands and petting each other's sides while cuddling up to talk and listen to a record Anna chose.  
  
"Gosh oldies are the best, I swear."  
  
"What time range?" Elsa asks, threading her fingers through Anna's ends.  
  
"Sixties for vocals, nineties for having a good time. But when it comes to musicals and Broadway…" While Anna speaks, Elsa is just staring. Her face is lit up by the only lamp in the room right by her side, and it leaves heavy shadows in her ear and under her eye. There's a halo of light around her and she really does look graceful and gorgeous unlike any other girl Elsa's ever seen. 'I don't even think I took time to appreciate Aurora in this way.' She notices the slope in Anna's nose that leads to a little button nose. She catches the harsh plush switch between Anna's bottom and top lip, and she aches to reach over and kiss her. But she doesn't. She does pet Anna's back not hidden by the couch just slightly firmer. And 'God does that skin feel soft.' Anna's shirt has shoulder cutouts so it makes it easy to dip Elsa's cold fingers under every so often.  
  
"Hey are you… listening by any chance?" Elsa sits more upright and Anna chuckles, turning in her direction with her glasses off on the glass table. "Caught staring and I can't even see."  
  
"Well it's--you--I wasn't--" Anna raises her hand and grins wide.  
  
"You better stop that, you're starting to sound like me." Both of them smile, and there's such a gentle peacefulness to it all that's so unlike anything Elsa's had ever in her life. She just looks at Anna, really really looks.  
  
"You're…" Elsa sighs breathily. She scoots closer by an inch and places a little kiss on Anna's temple. Before she moves back, Anna holds the back of a blonde head and lifts her face until they brush their lips against each other. It starts slow and methodically, hardly even a kiss. Elsa hates that her heart starts beating this quickly and this early in the game, but try as she might, it won't stop now. Anna's the first to part her lips and prod Elsa's tongue with her own. It makes Elsa groan, but it's covered up by Anna's louder one. Elsa's hands are just digging into the couch cushions until they creak, and she's trying not to grab Anna like this because she knows it'll come off as needy and rushed. Anna does something wholly unexpected and wraps her arms around Elsa's neck to kiss her harder, but she's also pressing her breasts against the other's and Elsa is really starting to feel the rush of blood in her waist.  
  
"Touch me," Anna demands? 'Did I hear that right?' Elsa doesn't do it. Between another kiss and Anna biting Elsa's lip, Anna repeats herself, slightly louder. Elsa easily grabs hold of Anna's waist and tugs her into her lap. Anna makes a noise of satisfaction in this, straddling Elsa, and she starts kissing harder until Elsa absently jerks her hips up into Anna's. 'No no! Don't hint at that.' Anna puts her forehead against Elsa's and laughs quietly, her soft breath making Elsa's lips tickle.  
  
"Trust me," Anna starts, opening her eyes before shutting them. "I'm feeling it too."  
  
"Really?" Anna nods and kisses Elsa again.  
  
“Just because I’m broken doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.” Anna had the intention of saying more, and Elsa wanted to correct that comment, but their lips are just distracting each other too much. There's a wonderful stretch happening in Elsa's neck and jaw while she reaches up to kiss and match Anna. Anna's kissing her hard and fast and she's twisting her fingers in Elsa's hair while pulling at her shirt and it doesn't stop and Elsa's feeling the same pound of her heart that she can feel Anna's having when she touches the side of her neck and--  
  
"--Nnn, nn--Elsa!" Anna's hips rub obviously against Elsa's stomach and Elsa feels that part drop low in a satisfying way. 'Breathe. Don't get out of hand.' Anna's just trying to tempt her at this point, because now she's shyly dragging her hands down Elsa's front and covering her breasts with her hands.  
  
"F-hah," Elsa can't do words right now so she just shakes her head at herself. Anna leans in again, clearly trying to kiss Elsa again, but Elsa turns her head. Apparently that was a mistake though because now Anna is tugging on her ear with her teeth and Elsa shudders obviously. "I--This is too good and I don't think I can wait if we keep going." She got it out and she's happy she did. Anna presses one last kiss under Elsa's earlobe before leaning back so she's just sitting on Elsa's lap close to her knees.  
  
"Alright," Anna responds raspily, straightening up. "Wow that was, wow?" Elsa grins and watches her fingers trace over Anna's knee. "You're amazing, hah."  
  
"You're much better since that was some of the best kissing I've had, honestly." Elsa lays her palms flat on Anna's thighs and Anna lays her hands on top. "And I've had quite a bit," Elsa says sheepishly.  
  
“How many do you think…?” Elsa knows she doesn’t mean the kissing.  
  
“I don’t think you want to know, Anna. It’s not the most appealing thing about me. Obviously.” Elsa bites the inside of her mouth roughly. Anna stays on her lap, running her hands through Elsa’s hair that she left down today. It’s making Elsa drowsy but she’s still attentive and she’d rather choke on water than fall asleep in Anna’s presence.  
  
“You were safe about it though, right?” Elsa swallows before answering.  
  
“Correct.” There’s a stiffness in the air that Elsa wishes she could just swat away.  
  
“Good,” Anna replies, scratching Elsa’s scalp lightly. Elsa’s eyes flutter closed and she rests her forehead against Anna’s shoulder. There’s this gentleness in the way Anna touches her that isn’t like anything else in her harsh and secluded life, and she lets herself drown in it.  
  
“You’re nothing like them,” Elsa says, hardly using her voice at all. Anna continues to touch her softly, dragging her fingers from Elsa’s forehead, over her cranium, and down to the ends of her hair. The blonde finds herself holding Anna tighter against her, digging her wrists against Anna’s hips. “You’re just you, and you don’t expect anything from me. And you… you kind of know stuff about me I hate, and you still…”  
  
“Still choose to like you,” Anna finishes, smiling down at Elsa. “Remember that thing you said a few days ago. About the love thing?” Elsa nods slowly. “I’m starting to think that’s going to come a lot quicker than either of us are ready for.” Elsa sits up, looking into hazy green-blue eyes. “Well, in theory we aren’t ready but…” Anna shrugs helplessly and makes a noise out of her nose. “Maybe I am at least.” Elsa kisses Anna then. She had to.  
__


	5. And Then This Happens

  
It had been a month of breaking down walls and losing the need to search for an escape everywhere Anna went. It had been a week of sweet kisses, practicing healthy self control, and delaying homework for Elsa. While almost every one of the days they saw each other was perfect to the point of being eerie, something like this would happen and throw tit all off;  
  
"Here try it," Anna happily insisted, shoving a piece of gourmet white chocolate into Elsa's mouth. Elsa took it and playfully nipped at tan fingers which made the woman on her lap yelp excitedly. Elsa's playfulness subsided quickly because she was too busy swallowing down perfection.  
  
"Wow." Anna smirks in her direction, facing just slightly to the left of her. They were sitting in one of those rickety benches facing the Buckingham fountain on a randomly warm February day. Elsa would have loved to just cuddle Anna inside, but Anna was like a pent up puppy at times, yearning to stretch her legs. Elsa learned quickly if she didn't let her out, she'd be bouncing off the walls. At least Anna had started letting Elsa touch her more affectionately, no matter the occasion. So here they were, with Anna on her lap and her arms wrapped around Anna's slim waist, feeding each other chocolates that were sitting on the bench just beside them.  
  
"I love seeing you actually awed by something," Anna commented, which made Elsa tip her head to one side.  
  
"Well then you see me like that everyday."  
  
"Yeah right," Anna joked and listened to Elsa ruffle the paper to grab Anna chocolate next. Her mouth had started to water at thought, and her little hands slapped together in excitement.  
  
"You do. Because I'm always in awe of you."  
  
….  
  
"That was literally… the cutest thing?" Elsa made a noise of disagreement and Anna had felt herself becoming slightly more red in the face as she shimmied her shoulders before throwing her head back. "UGH how are you so unintentionally adorable, Els?!" Elsa just chuckled in response and gently pressed a chocolate to Anna's lips that Anna all but inhaled. "And how is chocolate always AMAZING?!" She chewed it fast and flailed her hands around, making Elsa shake her head along with a smiling stranger passing by. Then that stranger starts to look far too familiar on closer inspection and both she and Elsa just stare at one another with that creepy feeling of not knowing exactly who the other was. To Elsa's dismay however, the stranger didn’t just leave it at a look. She began to walk straight toward them and Elsa sighed under her breath, putting on her usual mask of indifference.  
  
"Elsa?" Her voice was hesitant as usual, but she did sound a bit older now. 'Scary to think I knew her since she was sixteen.' Elsa had groaned in distaste at the thought.  
  
"Hi." Elsa just looked at Anna who was shaking her head and reaching for her walking stick, fumbling for it.  
  
"Guess I'll go let you catch up," Anna mumbled with another more exhausted shake of the head. Elsa stood when Anna did and touched her lower back before leaning closer to her ear.  
  
"Hang on, I--"  
  
"--Wait! Anna?!" Rapunzel widened her eyes that are green and shiny, and her confused look suddenly light up into a booming smile.  
  
"...Rapunzel? As in the best human in the whole world?!" They both squeaked like little girls and clumsily slamed into each other with goofy laughs, and 'I am so confused,' Elsa had thought. They're hugging and rocking side to side, Anna's stick was caught between them.  
  
"GEEZ I missed you so much!" Rapunzel really sounded like it too.  
  
"Yeah! I have so much to tell you about! I met this woman-- _who'sstandingrightbehindmeso _I can't actually tell you any cute things about her _cuzshe'llbreak _." Elsa huffed in humor and scratched her forehead awkwardly. Her and Rapunzel shot each other worried looks once they realize the context of this whole meeting in the first place, and they threw a bunch of hand gestures at each other to figure out who was about to break the news before Rapunzel shrugged in annoyance and Elsa bowed her head at her.  
  
"So about that…." Anna stiffened up a bit at Rapunzel's words before having slapped a hand against her face.  
  
"You slept with her too?" Anna asks with a deep tired husk to her voice. Rapunzel and Elsa both panicked visibly and shook their arms at each other helplessly while Anna hugged herself. "God who haven't you screwed, Elsa?"  
  
"Well--"  
  
"--Plenty!" Rapunzel assured loudly, bringing a hand up in defense. "Like me! We didn't do THAT. Hah. Hah." Elsa rubbed the bridge of her nose roughly before having reached to turn Anna toward her. The two of them immediately erased themselves from the rest of the world, and as if it's just the two of them with a warm glow only circling their bodies, they pressed their noses together.  
  
"Hey," Elsa started with a slightly more easygoing cadence to her voice. "I promise we never did anything." Anna's shoulders visibly relaxed. "I kissed her a few times and that was it. She was too young for me. Plus it was like four years ago." Anna bites her lip nervously, and obviously something was going through her head. Elsa ran her thumb over Anna's jaw softly. "Tell me."  
  
"Els it just seems like you've been with everyone," Anna said tiredly. Before she can even continue, Elsa kisses her forehead.  
  
"Anna it doesn't matter because they aren't you." Elsa just wished she could prove that to her, but maybe the way Anna just leans into her and holds her like she's a believer is exactly the proof she needs.  
  
"When did this happen?" Rapunzel blurted, breaking Anna and Elsa out of their reverie. Elsa tried to break the contact, but Anna didn’t let go and Elsa was not about to fight her. "When did both of you get so lovey dovey?!"  
  
“And when did YOU start kissing girls Mrs. Ryder?” Rapunzel chuckled into her fist and shrugged up to her ears.  
  
“Well I was a hormonal teenager and I mean look at--well don’t LOOK cuz you can--Whatever. She’s hot,” Rapunzel groaned into her hand that was sprawled across her face. Elsa just pursed her lips at that comment. “Besides I told you about her before, you lousy listener.”  
  
“When?!” Anna let go of Elsa’s back just to hold her hand instead, and Elsa drops her gaze from Rapunzel to their entwined fingers.  
  
“That night I came home crying an--” Rapunzel gives Elsa a sorry look before sputtering out a, “It doesn’t even matter, cous. I’m glad you seemed to make her like... “ Rapunzel wiggled her fingers at Elsa and opened and closed her jaw.  
  
“Not a TOTAL cold-hearted bit--”  
  
“--Ok you were never a b-word,” Rapunzel insisted, cutting Elsa off. Anna chuckled.  
  
“You still can’t swear?” Anna teased her like always and Rapunzel hissed at her like always.  
  
“You’re the worst cousin ever,” Rapunzel dramatically declared, sagging her shoulders.  
  
“Yeah a cousin that got you on Broadway, dick.” Rapunzel skiped over the last word and hopped up in the air. Ok either Anna got this intense energy from her or SHE got it from Anna. “How’s that going?!”  
  
“AMAZING!” Her and Anna leaped toward each other and hugged it out. I don’t understand, Elsa thought with a silent laugh, shaking her head fondly before a different blonde catches her attention in the distance.  
  
“Shit,” she cursed under her breath. 'Just what I needed. Aurora poking her head around.' Elsa wrung her hands together and tapped on Anna’s shoulder. “Would you and your cousin like to head back to my place?” Anna reached for Rapunzel’s hand and held it between her two baby pink gloves.  
  
“Please?! Elsa has the best record collection, you should totally join! I really wanna catch up with you!” Rapunzel eyed Elsa.  
  
“You sure I’m not intruding?”  
  
“Of course not,” Elsa answered, eyes focused on Aurora with a drawing pad under her arm, who still hadn’t spotted them.  
  
“Sounds good then!”  
  
An Hour Later:  
  
Elsa was mostly just letting the two cousins talk while she offered them drinks and made fettuccine alfredo with chicken for dinner. As she stirred the sauce she listened to them talk about loads of things she had no idea about. For example, just how raunchy Anna can be and how hilariously flustered it makes Rapunzel.  
  
“So,” Anna starts, sucking her tongue. “How big is Flynn?” Rapunzel spits water all over Anna’s lap and Anna cackles into her fist.  
  
“First of all his real name is Eugene, and second THAT IS SO INAPPROPRIATE AND--”  
  
“What you don’t get any?” WHACK! “OW!” Or Elsa’s most insightful conversation she overheard.  
  
“So um,” Rapunzel is trying to whisper, but Elsa learned a while back that Anna was a lousy gossip so she figured it’d ran in the family. “Have you guys… you know?” Anna sips her Coke and sets it down cautiously on a black coaster. Elsa’s ears perk up like a dog.  
  
“I haven’t been able to… yet.” Elsa keeps herself busy, but she’s definitely listening closer than before. She hears shuffling before Anna speaks again. “I really want to, trust me,” Anna says miserably. “Rapz she’s so just--” Anna breathes in loudly and she can hear Rapunzel chuckle in acknowledgment. “She’s driving me insane I really think I--” Elsa hears the faintest sounds of Anna’s voice and her heart literally pounds in her chest so aggressively she has to sit down from light headedness. Elsa brings her hand up to her forehead and her eyes are wider than ever. 'Did she say what I think she just said?' Elsa can’t rationalize why. The bitter little voice in her mind starts taking over. 'That’s bullshit and you know it. No one would love you! Wait till you slip up and she sees it instead of hearing about it. She’ll be gone in a second! Wait till Aurora catches her down the hall (which Elsa has failed to even inform Anna that Aurora lives in the same building much less the same floor) and tells her all your dirty secrets. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT GIRLS DO. You trust them and confide in them and they turn their back on you!'  
  
Elsa was on the brink of having a panic attack and her breath started coming out short. She didn’t have time to calm down because the water was about to spill over the edge of the pot and--  
  
“Dammit!” she hisses, running toward the fire knob and unluckily getting a splash of boiling hot water on her wrist. “FU--nnnr!” Elsa shuts off the water and rushes toward the sink, throwing her hand under cold water while she glares at the wall in front of her. 'Why can’t my brain just shut the hell up for ONCE?!'  
  
“Hey you good?” Rapunzel worriedly asks, leaning over the kitchen island that peers over into the living room.  
  
“Uh. Fine,” Elsa answers, voice sounding scarily cold like it did before she met Anna. 'And there you are,' comes the conniving voice again. 'That’s the real you right there!' Elsa whimpers inside her mouth and Rapunzel looks back at Anna who’s raising her brow at her. Anna hadn’t heard or seen the commotion like Rapunzel had.  
  
“One sec I’m gonna help her set up, ok?” Anna just nods and asks her phone to read over her messages she missed. Elsa shakes her head at the yellow-blonde before trying to shoo her away. “Oh stop.” Rapunzel reaches for Elsa’s drainer and dumps the pasta in it before setting an even amount of pasta on each plate. Elsa shuts the water off and tensely puts chicken and sauce on the noodles in silence. “So you heard her?” Elsa shrugs, her back to the girl.  
  
“I don’t know what I heard.” Rapunzel huffs in annoyance and turns Elsa’s shoulder toward her which makes Elsa shuffle away a step. “You don’t have to be so on guard with me, you know? She’s like my sister and you shouldn’t treat your girlfriend’s family like…” Rapunzel almost swore but she corrected herself quickly with, “Trash.” Elsa relaxes just a little, setting the plates down at the three person counter. Rapunzel opens the drawer to get silverware and looks at Elsa expectantly.  
  
“Fine. I think I heard it.”  
  
“She means it,” Rapunzel whispers, giving Elsa the most serious look she can. “She’s never felt this safe with someone. Just watch her… and you’ll understand.” Elsa watches Rapunzel smile as she calls for Anna and she just drowns out the world again while Anna and her cousin giggle and talk more. It’s already eight at night by the time Anna cuddles into Elsa’s side on the couch and Rapunzel yawns quietly, standing up.  
  
“What, you’re going?” Rapunzel says yes and Anna’s sure to say, “You can stay at my place, Mamma and Pappa would love to see you.”  
  
“Maybe tomorrow, I wanna go see your show anyway. I already got tickets!”  
  
“You could’ve just asked me, Rapz! I can get you in for free, silly!” Rapunzel waves her hand and leans over to hug her cousin. Elsa immediately notices that even with the obvious closeness the two have, they hardly touched, and when they did it was very quick and chaste compared to any of the affection Elsa gets from the redhead. And there were lots of small things like this throughout the night, like how even as Anna spoke to Rapunzel, she’d constantly reach for Elsa’s knee or press a kiss to Elsa’s cheek when she thought Rapunzel wasn’t looking. Well it turns out her timing for secret kisses was bad since Rapunzel always saw and gave Elsa a “SEE. I TOLD YOU,” look every time.  
  
“I don’t mind paying since it goes to your dumb pocket.”  
  
“You’re a brat.” Anna stands so Elsa does too. “I’d lead you out but,” Anna shrugs at herself. “You know.” Rapunzel flicks Anna’s shoulder and turns to Elsa.  
  
“No big. I’ll just make the big bad Elsa take me out.” Elsa cringes internally but nods nonetheless. “See you tomorrow.” Anna waves back, and the two blondes trudge toward the door quietly. While Rapunzel kicks on her slip ons, Elsa looks anywhere but at the girl, even if her backside is facing her rather pointedly. 'Which is probably a first for me.'  
  
“I’ll… see you then,” Elsa says tightly, picking at her nails.  
  
“Elsa.” Rapunzel lifts a finger up. “Just watch her. Ok?” Elsa nods and shuts the door, finally feeling like she can breathe again with her hand still around the knob. The sudden warmth of slim arms wrap around her stomach but she doesn’t fall into the touch like normal. She’s looking rigid.  
  
"What’s going on in there?” Anna taps the back of Elsa’s head and the older woman wrinkles her brow.  
  
“I don’t know,” she answers honestly. Anna rests her chin on Elsa’s shoulder, standing slightly on her tippy toes. And Elsa almost wants to shrug her off, but she tries to just calm herself down and imagine this is just the same thing as always. 'And it is. Except it isn’t because now I’m pretty sure Anna really does lo--eh me and I’m not worth that she has no idea what bagage I have and--' Elsa knocks her fist against the door loudly and Anna jerks just a little.  
  
“C-can you not make loud noises like that it freaks me out.”  
  
“Yeah. Sorry,” Elsa chokes, sounding really harsh for no reason and Anna doesn’t deserve this. Anna seems to be running over something in her mind and Elsa is starting to suffocate in this contact so she peels Anna’s arms away which makes the younger of them look a lot more confused.  
  
“Did I do something?” Anna asks, sounding halfway offended and half rejected. Elsa presses her back against the door and Anna still feels too close but there’s nowhere to go and it’s really starting to make Elsa’s fight or flight kick in until she’s just tapping her foot impatiently against the floor. Elsa knows she should really just tell Anna what it is on her mind… she knows it’d be the thing someone who was braver and just… BETTER would do. But she’s neither of those things and she feels the old her start inching up her throat and then she just blurts the first thing in her mind which is unfortunately,  
  
“There’s no way you love me.” Anna’s head bobs back and she blinks at Elsa.  
  
“What? How is there…?”  
  
“Sex and love are the same thing,” Elsa spits out, a mean grin not really directed at Anna is sitting on her face too. “And you won’t do that so there’s no way.” Elsa bites her lip so hard it could bleed. She knows that was probably the worst thing she could have said. Possibly ever.  
  
“...That doesn’t even make sense,” Anna argues, voice flat as she hugs herself with one arm. “You’ve had sex with lots of women and you didn’t love them.”  
  
“Yeah well--” Elsa should stop and she knows it, but this defensive, argumentative, monster of a thing starts pouring out of her and she clenches her fist. “I don’t know it’s just proof. Yeah. Proof you actually… love me. Words are… not as real.” Anna just stares through her, and for someone who’s blind, those eyes really feel like she’s seeing right into her very soul. Elsa feels herself grow weak. And Anna suddenly shakes her head before erupting with a bitter and frankly scary laugh.  
  
“Are you fucking kidding. I--I have to PROVE I love you?!” Elsa really backs down now, and the fact that she’s stuck against the door in the narrow hallway is really starting to look like a saw trap. “How have I not proven that already?! I’ve NEVER walked into another person’s house since Hans!” Elsa quirks her brows. Anna had never said his name before. “And I dunno Elsa--maybe I haven’t just screwed you because I dunno--I WAS RAPED.” Anna huffs up a really shallow laugh and Elsa swallows her spit. Her mouth is drier than a desert.  
  
“Anna--” her resolve was weakening fast. She was wrong. Really, painfully wrong.  
  
“--Just shut up,” Anna cries, shaking her head weakly and blindly reaching for her coat that isn’t on the hanger for the first time ever. Anna groans and looks like she’s on the brink of tears. “I was going to. I was going to tonight.” Elsa’s stomach clenches and she swears she feels vomit coming up her sternum. “I spend every day I can with you, even if we just sit in the same room and do our work.” Anna rubs furiously at her eyes that are liberally leaking tears. “I finally come here, and I don’t even think about where I put things, or count my steps from the door, because I TRUST you, Elsa. I do.” Anna sags against the wall.  
  
“...I don’t know what to say,” Elsa croaks, digging her fingers into her own skull until the skin peels. “God I hate myself I can’t just--” Elsa chokes back a sob and pushes herself against the opposite wall Anna is on, and their toes touch, but Anna retracts.  
  
“Did you ever think that maybe YOU’RE the one who needs to prove you love me?” Elsa’s jaw literally hangs, and nothing but pathetic breaths get out. “I just thought you were different.” Elsa might die. No other words have ever hurt so much in her life. Not even when her Father hit her and finally told her she had to move out. Or when her Grandma spit at her feet and called her all kinds of disgusting words. Now there’s just a gaping hole in the center of Elsa’s chest. Anna shakes her head at herself and walks away, obviously looking for her coat to leave. She finds it quickly, and Elsa’s still just standing there by the door, watching this special, beautiful, amazing person put her shoes on and reach for the door. Elsa’s brain kicks in and she grabs the handle first, forcing it closed. Anna looks slightly panicked. “Let go of the door,” Anna warns.  
  
“Just hang on--”  
  
“--No I need to go. Stop.”  
  
“Anna!” Elsa shouts, feeling awful when Anna jerks her head away. “Look I--I didn’t mean to ruin this I--” She squeezes her eyes shut and the tears are coming back quickly. “--I KNOW you mean it! I do! I see it all the time I’m just so fucking idiotic that I didn’t see it sooner and Anna PLEASE I don’t wanna lose you you’re all I have and I need you and I hate that I’m so weak but I am and you’re all I have--” Elsa chokes on her tears and Anna starts crying more, but she doesn’t reach for Elsa, she just pulls on the knob again.  
  
“I don’t think you love me back,” Anna whimpers between sniffs. She can hardly be heard over Elsa’s hard cries that just get harder at that muffled sentence. Elsa digs her fingers into the knob and swallows cry after cry before bursting out with,  
  
“I DO! I really REALLY do Anna!” Anna just tugs on the door again, her hand warming Elsa’s sweaty one still. “God--I’ve never been this insane over someone! I c-can’t even breathe without thinking about you. And I-I--” Elsa cries again and knocks her fist into her forehead. “I love you! I DO!” Anna quiets down and waits for Elsa to do the same.  
  
….  
  
“I need you to let me go. I’m starting to feel really claustrophobic.” Elsa just wants to cry again. There’s no long embrace or kissing it better. She said she loved Anna, and now she’s leaving. 'You knew this would happen, Elsa.' Elsa drops her hand against her side with a slap of skin. She’s not looking at Anna anymore, she’s just looking at a wall of tears bundled up on her eyelids. Anna opens the door and just leaves, not saying if they’ll ever talk again, or if she still loves Elsa.  
  
….  
  
Elsa’s wanted to die before; plenty of times which she hates to admit. But none of those times were as strong and horrifyingly vivid as right now.  
____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ending bit of the chapter may seem sudden... but when you're unstable in your own mind and incredibly insecure like Elsa is (we'll get to why) this could totally happen. I've seen it with my own freakin' eyes and I've been the one to do it like Elsa does. You say the worst stuff just to direct the attention away from yourself and then you have to deal with the nasty consequences. Real shit, yo.


	6. Pulling it Together

  
A whole week went by and they hadn’t spoken; a week of Elsa going to school, painting nothing, drawing sloppily, and going home to fill herself on carbs before falling into a hard bed. But right now it was nine-thirty, and for the twenty-second time, Elsa was trying to call Anna.  
  
BRRR-iiing. BRRR-iiing. BRRR-iiing.  
  
Elsa huffs and with a flash or seething aggravation, whips her phone across the room, only satisfied when she can hear the glass crack against the wall and knock down a framed painting. It was her favorite one too; it was of Anna. That thought made her hurt. And for the thirty-eighth time, she cried into her pillow. It went on for ten minutes until one eye shot open and she angrily kicked off her sheets that clung annoyingly to her hip. She punched the light switch until it came on and she aggressively put on makeup. 'I’m done waiting. I can get what I want and I can get it now.' She punched the switch again and stomped out of her apartment, not even locking her front door before she pounded on Aurora’s door that was dented by their feet. Elsa never said she wasn’t an aggressive animal when she was in the heat of it. Aurora opened the door, standing in her pink and blue pajamas that were slim fit and gawked at Elsa.  
  
“Well you look awful,” she mumbles with a wince, looking Elsa up and down.  
  
“Gee thanks,” Elsa huffs before grabbing Aurora’s shoulders roughly and pushing her way in, slamming Aurora against the back of the door to close it and start kissing the shorter woman far too hard. Aurora just whines uncomfortably against Elsa’s tongue and paws at Elsa’s shirt. It’s not a touch that’s saying no but it’s definitely not saying yes, yet Elsa doesn’t stop. She’s not even finding comfort in the kiss, but she still won’t stop herself. She drags Aurora toward the bedroom she knows so well, pausing to run her hands over the familiar thin body at every other doorway before pushing her onto the bed and shoving herself between open thighs. It isn’t until she pulls away and looks down at Aurora that she realizes the most important thing she ever will. This isn’t Anna; she never _was _Anna, and she never will be. And she doesn’t want this ever again. It doesn’t even look like Aurora is particularly happy, and now Elsa feels her throat tighten to the point of tears, and she pulls Aurora up so they’re face to face.  
  
“Have you ever really wanted this?” Elsa asks, eyes concerned at last. She had never considered the fact that maybe Aurora had always looked at her with such void eyes, and that Aurora only did it because there was some sort of hopeless pity she had for Elsa. The French girl looked at her oddly, as if the thought had never seemed to matter. “Answer me,” Elsa says hurriedly, still holding Aurora’s sickeningly thin wrists.  
  
“I thought I loved you,” Aurora answers, looking at Elsa like she’s… 'scared? And oh my God, IS she scared? Did I hurt her like-- Oh my God I’ve been taking advantage of her all this time.' Elsa gags and Aurora looks at her with honest worry before she touches the side of Elsa’s face. It was so gentle and cautious, and this is the first time Elsa didn’t pull away, because even during sex, Elsa refused to let anyone touch her.  
  
“I’m… I’m awful,” Elsa breathes, brows knit together.  
  
“You’re not, you’re just a broken person who never got help,” Aurora says, hushed and close to Elsa’s ear. Elsa is still just sitting between Aurora’s legs, staring at hands she hardly even took notice of before. This is the first time she even saw the freckles on the woman’s thumb. “Elsa I really did love you, but…” Aurora’s voice deepens, and it’s clear she’s hurting. “When I realized you’d never love me back… I understood it was over.” Elsa looks at Aurora, really looks. She’s beautiful, but she too looks “broken.” She looks severely underweight and she has pretty heavy bags under her eyes she must cover with makeup. Elsa wants to know why. Why is she tired? What keeps her up? Why did she love Elsa?  
  
“I wish I hadn’t gotten to you so someone worthy would have found you,” Elsa says softly, her breath hitting Aurora’s wet lips that are covered in Elsa’s dark lipstick. Aurora looks at her like she’s about to burst into tears, and instead of running away, Elsa lifts her hand to wipe her lipstick off of that small mouth. Aurora whimpers at the touch and Elsa keeps their contact before dropping her hand into her own lap. “I know this will never mean anything… but I am. So. Sorry, Aurora.” Aurora cracks, and she pulls away, climbing up her bed and crying into her pillowcase just like Elsa did earlier. And now Elsa wonders how many times she’s made Aurora do that in the years they’ve known each other. It’s like Elsa tips her head back, opens her mouth, and a wooden stake stabs right down her throat and into her useless body. It takes a minute before Elsa feels good enough to crawl up the bed and lay down beside Aurora to turn her so they face one another. Aurora keeps her eyes closed the whole time, and she cries again when Elsa just hugs her tight. Now, it took a half hour for Aurora to lull herself back to normal, and that’s when Elsa let go and they both sat up in the bed, looking at their nails.  
  
“...Did you mess things up with her?” Aurora was the first to speak. Elsa said nothing and shook her head miserably. “You’ll fix it.”  
“I don’t know how,” Elsa explains, weak voiced. “I just want her back but she won’t answer or listen to my messages or--” Aurora stops her with  
a hand against her shoulder.  
  
“You’ll fix it.”  
  
Elsa went to sleep in her own bed that night with her eyes swollen and her heart bruised, but mending, and that’s when she knew what she needed to do. It was Thursday, and she had no school on Fridays. That meant she had all day to search for Anna if that meant looking on every single street in the entire city. But she didn’t think that was necessary, because she knew exactly where Anna would be.  
  
When Elsa walked into Shang’s ice cream shop, the happy music and the chatter between the two old acquaintances immediately stopped. Shang got up from the stool beside the redhead who made Elsa’s heart stop, and he cleared his throat awkwardly. Anna didn't even have to ask why Shang got quiet, she just knew, but she didn’t turn to acknowledge it, she just kept sipping… on a red velvet shake; Elsa’s favorite thing in the whole world that Anna couldn’t stand the taste of. Elsa could have cried for the fifty-ninth time. Shang ducked his head at Elsa, and walked into the closet of a backroom he had after he shut off the open sign at twelve in the morning. Elsa licked her lips and slowly, as if tip toeing, got to the same seat she sat in when she met Anna, and sat down.  
  
“Well hello,” Elsa says, just like that day two months ago. Except this didn’t feel like the same. This felt like the weight of her whole life was looming over her, ready to break away from the spiderweb holding it up.  
  
“Me?” Anna asks quietly, just like that day. Elsa’s forehead hurts from the amount of frowning she’s been doing and this is no exception.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Why?” Anna asks, slurping on that shake until it’s almost completely finished and starts to gurgle at the bottom. Elsa leans in, her face so close to Anna’s she can feel the breath from her nose.  
  
“Because I love you more than anything in the whole world.” Anna stops sucking her straw and lets it go, her mouth was just staying open almost comically. Elsa takes Anna’s hands quickly in her own cold ones, and with a begging quality to her voice, she explains that, “I wasn’t kidding when I said I needed you, Anna. You make me better in every way… and I’m absolutely, hopelessly, sickeningly in love with you.” Anna’s glasses droop down her nose, and her eyes are looking up at Elsa over the rims. Elsa drops Anna’s hands into her lap, keeping one thumb to brush those freckled hands while she takes Anna’s glasses off with her right.  
  
“You know…” Elsa starts, finally having courage to speak, and there’s an obvious lack of that poisonous voice in the back of her head. “You’re like a light to everyone around you. Whether you’re on the stage or at this stupid shop,” they both chuckle, “everyone is drawn to you. And I’m one of those people. But… can anyone say they’re completely blinded by you?” Anna sniffs and sucks her bottom lip into her mouth. “Because you’re all I see anymore; and you’re all I ever, EVER want to see.”  
  
“ _Elsa! _” Anna throws herself into Elsa’s arms and nearly topples them both over. Elsa holds Anna with such strength it nearly crushes her bones, but Anna doesn’t even care. Nothing else matters to Anna, and nothing else matters to Elsa. “I love you. I love you so much! OH the things I said! I didn’t mean them Els I swear I--I know you lo--” Elsa shh’s her and kisses her soundly. They both make needy noises against the other’s lips but they don’t get past closed mouths.  
  
“I didn’t mean what I said either,” Elsa remarks against Anna’s cheek, pressing little kisses to it repeatedly.  
  
“I know, baby.” Elsa doesn’t flinch at the nickname or laugh it off. She takes it graciously and makes sure to kiss Anna for it.  
  
“You’re amazing, sweetheart.” Anna smiles at her and just hugs her again.  
  
It was the same night, and after they knocked on the door and hugged Shang to his surprise, they took off to Anna’s house. Her parents grabbed them both by the arms and hugged them until they were blue in the face. Anna had told them everything, and even though that scared Elsa greatly, she understood the need for Anna.  
  
“I’m just so glad things worked out,” Iduna said, almost looking like she could cry as she touched Elsa’s knee while they were all seated in the living room.  
  
“As am I,” Elsa answered respectfully, reaching for Anna’s hand that was already in her lap. Agnarr watched from his cracked recliner with his arms crossed thoughtfully. He watched how Elsa looked at Anna like she was something to put on a pedestal with her eyes soft and narrowed and her lips tugged up on one side.  
“The way you look at her, Elsa.” Agnarr shook his head with a melancholy smile on his face. “I’m just so happy someone is looking at my little girl like that.”  
  
“Pappa,” Anna groaned, holding Elsa’s hand tighter. Elsa really wanted to lean in and kiss Anna’s embarrassed redness right off her cheeks but she didn’t feel comfortable enough yet in front of other people. Baby steps. “Alright, alright. I wanna be alone with her now.” Agnarr and Iduna hummed, nodding their heads and grinning at each other. Elsa shifted in her seat and Anna groaned again. “Stoppit!”  
  
Once her and Elsa quietly stalked their way up the steps, never dropping their hands, Anna guided them to the record player with her cork mat. As she bent, Elsa kept her head tipped up. Anna pulled out her gold vinyl of the Supreme’s and set the needle down, keeping the volume below talking level. Instead of the small bench, Anna led them to the full-sized bed with pale grey sheets and they got on it shakily. Elsa was unsure of how to even position herself on it, but they both settled with just laying on their backs. They listened to the hum of the music and the way their breaths sounded bouncing off the fairly low ceiling while they ran their thumbs over each other’s knuckles. The sky outside was dreary and it bled in through the slits of the blinds, but their moods inside this room were anything but that.  
  
“I’m so glad you found me,” Anna says, breaking through the peaceful quiet. She turned over to tuck one arm under her head and throw her arm over Elsa’s taut stomach. Elsa twisted her neck to face Anna, her vision blurring at the closeness of their faces. The fluffy pillow blocked some of her hearing but it was manageable.  
  
“I’m glad you gave me a chance,” Elsa confesses, touching Anna’s chin and bumping her bottom lip with her thumb. The dark wood and the green on the walls felt especially calming too. This was the kind of peacefulness Elsa only dreamed of, and it was the type of thing she only could imagine before Anna. It was something she often painted, and every viewer often wondered and asked her why it seemed so sad. But it was anything but sad. It was perfect. Everything she needed. Anna was everything she needed. “I’m never going to be able to stop telling you I love you,” Elsa says, her face feeling warm with a tinge of embarrassment.  
  
“That’s ok cuz I feel the same way!” Anna’s peppy voice and her excited nature just swells Elsa’s heart, and she has to touch Anna’s face again. Her skin is smooth yet each freckle has the slightest texture to it.  
  
“You are somehow both thoroughly adorable yet devastatingly attractive, and I don’t understand.” Anna just bites at her lip and Elsa groans at the sight.  
  
“Lip biting, I almost forgot that makes you all…” Anna just rubs her finger over Elsa’s stomach and Elsa groans for a different reason.  
  
“Yes yes,” she sighs, making Anna chuckle again. Then Anna’s eyes open and they look slightly darker than before.  
  
“What if I bite yours?” Anna asks, lips parted. Elsa’s surely watching that little tongue flick out and she feels her own mouth water.  
  
“Hmm,” Elsa’s choosing to play along now, even though her breathlessness makes this significantly less convincing. “I dunno. You should try it.” Anna leans in torturously slow before she kisses Elsa softly and opens her mouth to tug on Elsa’s lip. Elsa yelps in a good way and grabs for her girlfriend’s wide waist, digging her fingers into them and making Anna’s hips twitch toward Elsa’s. Elsa really tries to let Anna be the cautious and hesitant lead, but when Anna finally slips her tongue into the blonde’s mouth, Elsa feels her body go into automatic and the desire for this girl can’t be hidden anymore. She flips Anna onto her back, careful not to be too forceful and get on top, instead laying right up against her on her side. She has one arm under Anna’s neck while her other hand gently slides Anna’s shirt up her stomach. Elsa senses a carnal instinct twist her stomach when she feels the jumping of Anna’s skin against her hand, and she moans into Anna’s mouth quietly. Elsa opens one eye to watch Anna’s flutter around behind closed eyelids. She continues to kiss Anna, teasing her lips with her tongue and pulling away playfully when Anna tries to suck it. Anna iritably holds Elsa’s head in place the next time she pokes her with her tongue and Elsa just pulls her tongue right back.  
  
“Oh come on,” Anna whines against a smirk.  
  
“Let me bug you; it’s fun.”  
  
“Fun for who you jerk-face.” Elsa laughs airily at the name and kisses Anna softly. Apparently Anna had a different goal though, because she’s tangling her hands in Elsa’s shirt and pushing it up over her breasts. Before Elsa knows it, her bra is being undone and her brain starts screaming halt.  
  
“Hold on,” Elsa warns, pressing her forearm against her breasts so her velour bra won’t fall away. Anna takes a breath as she nudges Elsa’s arm that’s guarding herself.  
  
“Let’s just try this ok? Nothing more yet.” Elsa has her doubts that this will stay where it is. “I really just want to touch more of you. I’ve never touched you there like this.” Elsa licks the front of her teeth before pulling her bra away. And Anna quickly reaches up with both of their eyes widening at the first press of skin to skin. “This is so hot,” Anna comments, eyes focused on the breasts she can't see. Elsa’s own eyes roll into the back of her head when Anna delicately tugs at both of her hypersensitive peaks. “Is that too hard?”  
  
“No. K-keep doing that.” Anna does, and it has Elsa nearly dropping herself on top of Anna and mewling. Anna sort of twists them while she tugs and 'ungh! It feels so good and I just want more of it.' Elsa feels a river of arousal slip through her folds and leak into her tight matching underwear and it just bothers her to the point of frustration. She hadn’t even touched herself in a month purely out of the fact that her own hand couldn’t do it anymore and she didn’t want to feel guilt getting off to the idea of what Anna COULD be like. So right now she’s way more heightened in her arousal than she probably should be. Then when Anna dips her head and clumsily swipes at a nipple with her tongue, Elsa growls. “Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT.” Elsa’s hips jerk against Anna’s thigh and without thinking she forces Anna’s legs apart and slides herself between them, grinding her core into Anna’s.  
  
“HH--!” The little moan that came out of Anna just spurs Elsa on more, and she grinds herself down again, feeling herself get about fifty degrees hotter when Anna’s ankles hesitantly wrap around her back and pull her closer. Then they both just explode outwardly, and they’re kissing so hard their lips burn while they grind against each other so rapidly the bed hits the wall with a CRrrACK! Both of them freeze to listen to whether or not Anna’s parents may have heard.  
  
….  
  
No sign of it, so they shamefully go back to it, nearly making each other’s mouths bleed at the roughness of their clanking teeth. Elsa feels her pubis bone getting sore, knowing it’s going to bruise yet she doesn’t even care, because through both her pants and Anna’s skinny jeggings, she can feel the soaking wetness of the woman below her and her head is heavy with the arousal swimming around in it. Anna moans especially loud, scratching lightly down Elsa’s sides, and Elsa almost wonders if she’s getting close to climax before the record player starts skipping and both of them open their eyes wide.  
  
“Shit!”  
  
“I got it,” Elsa declares, jumping up to grab the needle that thankfully didn’t scratch the vinyl too deeply. Elsa flicks the turntable and receiver off before she uncomfortably shimmies her way back to the bed with every step making some of her wetness spill down her leg like a cliche romance novel would describe. She sits on the edge of the bed, panting just slightly while Anna does much of the same with her legs pulled up to her chest. “...Are you ok?” Anna nods firmly.  
  
“I’m great. YOU’RE great,” she says with a loopy laugh that makes Elsa grin shyly at her feet. Then Anna scratches her nose and wiggles over to Elsa, wrapping her arms around her neck and breathing gently into her ear. “I… we should go to your place.” Ba-DUMP! Ba-DUMP! Elsa chokes on air. She has a really strong feeling she knows what that’s insinuating. She soothes Anna by grazing over her spine again and again, and she can feel that Anna’s heart is pumping just as rapidly.  
  
“...If--If we go we might end up...” Elsa wonders if she should sugar coat it, but she doesn’t. “We might end up having sex, you know?” Anna breathes and Elsa sighs at the feeling of that warm breath against the ear Anna was kissing earlier.  
  
“I think I want to.” Ba-DUMP!!! “I trust you more than anyone.” Elsa’s heart might burst. “I want to be yours. Completely.” Elsa can’t help but whimper.  
____


	7. Right Down To It

  
KK-DK!  
  
“S-Sorry Anna,” Elsa says after the front door shut rather loudly. Anna just shakes her head and shrugs off her coat that Elsa takes and hangs for her. They sort of just stand there in the hallway, and it becomes an uneasy limbo of what to do next as they tap their toes against the wood. So Elsa swallows before offering Anna water which the younger woman accepts. Once they get to the kitchen, Anna hops up on the marble counter and locks her ankles together, swinging them back and forth while she listens to the water pour into her glass that has little bumps halfway down.  
  
"Thank you," Anna says when Elsa places the glass in her hand cautiously. Elsa just watches Anna's throat bob when she sips graciously and wrings her own hands together. 'Typically I'd be far more aggressive about all of this,' Elsa thinks to herself. 'I'm just so afraid of scaring her off or pushing things too far. I just need to trust myself for once. I won't let loose on her. Not her.' Elsa wraps her arms around Anna's stomach and Anna hums in delight, hugging Elsa around the shoulders.  
  
"I could get used to being the tall one." Elsa grins against Anna's neck.  
  
"That sounds like quite the fantastical mix. Clumsy with heels." Anna swats at her back and they both smile quietly. "Remember that time you tripped over the same shoes twice?"  
  
"Hey I swear they moved on their own!"  
  
"Ah-huh. Just like how you always miss the toaster and let crumbs spill all over my counter?"  
  
"Alright…"  
  
"Or how about when you pretend to forget that your shirt is slightly lifted up over your stomach so I have to suffer staring at it feeling like I'd be an ass for telling you?"  
  
"Those times really are accidents…." Elsa bites her tongue at that. "I'm kidding, Elsa. And you're welcome!" Elsa just hisses in response and pinches Anna's side making her squeal and hop around the counter on her butt. "Els! I hate tickles!"  
  
"Are you kidding there too?!" Anna starts laughing louder and Elsa just tickles more, cooing and kissing her cheek like an adorable animal she just picked up.  
  
"Elsssss!!!" Anna throws her body at Elsa and Elsa has to ram them both back into the counter to keep them from falling backward. So now they're face to face, slightly panting with huge silly smiles painting their lips.  
  
"I really can't get enough of you, feisty pants." Anna gags at the nickname Elsa only ever uses for teasing. "And I love when you pout." Anna puffs her lips out just now, so Elsa kisses them soundly. "Just like that."  
  
"Mom you're embarrassing me," Anna jokes.  
  
"Oooh role playing?" Anna just rolls her eyes and pokes Elsa's cheek knowing she can't stand that.  
  
"Someone's playful."  
  
"Maybe," Elsa shrugs, holding Anna a little tighter and kissing her forehead repeatedly.  
  
"I'm wondering just HOW playful…" Anna says in a surprisingly sensual way that catches them both off guard. "Wow I didn't know my voice could sound like that." She pulls at her shirt collar awkwardly.  
  
"It was pretty sexy," Elsa admits, whispering the words against Anna's ear hotly.  
  
"Hhh--Jesus CHRIST you have the sexiest voice ever and it makes me see little stars that like burst in my eye holes and I'm talking too much so I should stop before I saysomethingreallyembarassing--" Anna covers her mouth with her hand to stop the word vomit and Elsa has to laugh. "Ughhhh even your laugh is hot it's SO unfair! And from what I've felt of you you seem like a total babe like even my COUSIN wanted to bang you what the hell?" Anna just drops her head onto Elsa's shoulder in defeat that Elsa just doesn't understand. When I look in the mirror all I see is a shallow person looking back at me. So maybe it's flattering to be talked of so highly for once.  
  
"I think you're far more beautiful Anna. I thought so the second I saw you. And it's no fib to say you're the most attractive woman I've ever had the pleasure of knowing."  
  
"Ok now you're just sweet talking."  
  
"I'm truly not," Elsa insists, kissing Anna's head. "You know…" Elsa wonders if this next bundle of words is going to be well received but she figures she should really just start seeing where the boundaries are now before she makes another big mistake. "I could show you how beautiful you are to me."  
  
"How would you ummm… how would you do that?" There's obvious anxiety in there but Elsa presses on.  
  
"It'd be easy to just 'sleep' with you Anna. It really would." Elsa closes her eyes and flashbacks to all the dirty thoughts she's had about Anna light up her mind again. "But that's not what I want. I want to make love to you. Just so I can truly show you how much I love you. Elsa leans into Anna's ear again. "How much I want you." She licks up the shell of the other's ear and Anna lets out a harsh groan. "And how beautiful I think you are." Anna really starts shaking and Elsa worriedly runs her hands up and down Anna's bare arms without sacrificing the closeness of their heads.  
  
"I feel like such an inexperienced virgin right now," Anna laughs self deprecatingly. Elsa shushes her and hugs her for the thousandth time today.  
  
"Well I'm not one of those people that shun virginity."  
  
"Well I'm not really a virgin… but it wasn't like it was a good experience. Obviously."  
  
"This will be your real first time. Alright?" Anna rolls over that in her mind and now she's biting her lip and rubbing her chest with her palm. "What's wrong?" Elsa really wants to know and she leans in a little closer, giving Anna more affection.  
  
"I-I'm just like really nervous and like what if I'm not good or I sound annoying or I look bad or I--" Elsa's having a really hard time not interrupting the rambling but she figures Anna needs to get these worries out now. "--or I taste weird or, BLEH! I mean I wouldn't even wanna taste me so like why would you and what if I'm bad at reciprocating or I can't finish or I screw up OR-- SHIT this is SO stressful!"  
  
"Anna," Elsa calmly calls, and the redhead nods in acknowledgment. "None of what you're worrying about matters." Anna really looks pained in her need to rebuttal but Elsa continues. "I have a feeling you'll be able to orgasm just fine if earlier was anything to go by." Anna goes bright red. Elsa loves that. "And I bet you taste amazing and smell amazing but we don't have to rush that, or do it at all."  
  
"...I kinda do want that… though." Elsa lights up inside but keeps it together.  
  
"Ok. Then we will. When you want to," she says with each word being very specifically enunciated.  
  
"So then what about the look thing; I can't change that." Anna starts picking at her neck, and Elsa grabs her hand to stop it.  
  
"Were you not here three minutes ago?"  
  
"...Fair point." Anna rolls her eyes around behind closed lids. "What about the sound thing! I feel like my voice is already high and annoying what if I'm--"  
  
"--You sound wonderful. Just your little noises when we kiss are gorgeous so you letting go because I'm the one doing you," Elsa hums in a sinful way and Anna's brain breaks.  
  
"Holy shit I just realized I'm going to get to hear YOU at some point and-- Phew boy. I'm feeling really really really warm right now." Elsa just chuckles and she promises she didn't mean to deepen her voice when she purrs,  
  
"Tell me about it," unironically. Anna almost finished right then. She grabs Elsa's hand and drags them toward the bedroom. She has to roll her eyes when she hears Elsa flick off each light as they go.  
  
"Only you would think to do these things, Els."  
  
"Well."  
  
"Just shut up and kiss me," Anna barks, closing the door with Elsa's body. Wow she's pretty aggressive for a first timer, Elsa thought happily. Too bad I'm about to take over. She'll thank me later. Elsa pushes off the door and spins them, so now Anna is pressed against the door. Elsa risks it and grabs Anna's backside before using the door to hold Anna's weight as she lifts her up, thankful Anna wrapped her legs around her when she did. "Show off," Anna adds under her breath.  
  
"Is that a complaint?" Anna just makes a noise of acceptance and holds Elsa's shoulders, kissing her again. Their lips know exactly how to find the others no matter the angle or distance. It's intoxicating and lovely and it drives them both up the wall. Sometimes literally… like now. The way Anna kisses is quite brash and messy unlike Elsa who prefers to tease and egg on the desperate need of release. They meet each other halfway everytime and it tastes like desperation in a pure way that isn't just lust.  
When Elsa sort of has to grope Anna's backside just to keep her up, she takes full advantage, grabbing at it with vigor before sucking on the side of Anna's neck almost hard enough to leave a mark. 'I should really verbally ask her what she's ok with before I do things.'  
  
"May I leave a mark on you? Are you ok with biting as well?"  
  
"Oh um. I really wish I could let you leave them on my neck but I have work till fall. Leave them on my chest instead." Elsa gets excited at the prospect. "Oh and biting is ok probably."  
  
"Then will you take your shirt off? I've got you." Anna reaches for the hem but sort of just plays with it. "Don't worry about your bra yet?" That seemed to help, and now Anna is tossing her shirt somewhere to the side of them and Elsa's eyes are glued to the sprinkling of freckles on Anna's chest and shoulders like little stars up in a clear sky. Elsa kisses slowly from Anna's ear down to her clavicle and licks at the spot before claiming it as her own.  
  
"That feels kinda good," Anna says with surprise, rubbing Elsa's back. Elsa does it again in the middle of her chest above her breasts, leaving an extra dark mark. She kisses her and leaves one more while she carries her girlfriend backward toward the bed, sitting down with a huff. Anna straddles her lap, rubbing pale chest muscles and kissing her mouth slowly before lifting Elsa's shirt over her head as well and quickly discarding the bra. Her hands make a beeline to those breasts she's itching to get in her mouth, yet Elsa never gives her the chance before she's quietly laid on her back with Elsa pressing into her side.  
  
"Listen to my voice, alright?" Anna starts getting massive butterflies fluttering around in her stomach and she holds Elsa's arm as a safety measure. "It's going to go as slow as you need, I just need you to talk to me."  
  
"R-right." Elsa creeps her hand down to Anna's pants, unzipping her and then poking at the button. Anna sucks in a breath and Elsa already has her pants sliding down her hips. Anna exhales loudly before sucking a breath in through her mouth. A split second a flashback comes but she throws an arm over her eyes as if to shield herself.  
  
"Doing ok?" Elsa asks next to her ear, touching Anna over her soaking underwear with her middle finger. 'And geez Elsa really has long fingers,' Anna notices quickly. Elsa's really just testing the waters, hardly even pressing down and just grazing up and down Anna's center. Even just that little touch is killing Anna and she really wonders what it'll be like when Elsa goes all the way. Well she doesn't have to wait long since Elsa put her thumbs into the band of her underwear and pushes them down. Anna just breathes in slowly, almost practiced, while she lifts her hips up. When they're totally down she listens to Elsa moan at the sight because even Anna's thighs are caked in arousal and she smells heavy with it. Elsa lifts herself up to just look down at Anna before thinking to say,  
  
"If you don't want me to look, Anna, I won't."  
  
"N-no it's ok. But can you take your pants off too?" She hears the rustling of material.  
  
"Done." Anna sits up slightly to shake out her jittery hands before rubbing them against Elsa's thigh.  
  
"God your skin is soft," Anna remarks quietly. Elsa just touches Anna's own skin and says something similar. The older of them decides to just let Anna touch for a moment, because she's clearly mapping out exactly what Elsa's body is like when she's almost completely nude, touching her from head to toe. "You feel absolutely breathtaking, wish I could see you." Elsa doesn't really answer back, she just kisses Anna and lays her back down, keeping her left arm under Anna's head before sliding her right hand down her body and pulling one of Anna's thighs over Elsa's own hip. Anna shivers at the cool air hitting her and that just makes her scoot closer up to Elsa and kiss her. It's pretty obvious Anna is just using these kisses as a distraction because she takes Elsa's right hand on her stomach and guides it down to her clitoris herself and--  
  
"Hhh," they both moan outwardly. And Anna is more wet than anyone Elsa's ever felt in her life and her fingers just glide over the velvet skin like they were meant to be there. "Nngh, Anna you feel just… ungh," Elsa moans, feeling lightheaded. This is real and it's happening right now. The excitement of that is making her vibrate with desire and she's hardly able to hold herself upright at this point so she just presses her face into Anna's shoulder as she runs her finger over the hood of Anna's swollen clitoris.  
"Shit. Shit shit shit shit," Anna sounds mixed between being scared and overwhelmingly turned on, but if there's even the chance of Anna feeling panic, Elsa knows she's stopping every single time. So she does, but she leaves her hand there, hardly touching.  
  
"Is this ok?"  
  
"Yes," Anna answers, holding Elsa's tricep with both hands. There's a skittishness to her movements that Elsa's concerned by, but she pushes on. The subtle clicking of Anna's arousal is making Elsa's head feel light again, but she decides it's best to encourage Anna right now so she whispers a,  
  
"If that sound makes you uncomfortable, just listen to my voice, alright?" Anna nods hard and hugs Elsa, their cheeks pressing hard against one another's. "I love you. You're doing well."  
  
"Y-you're doing well too," Anna jokes but doesn't laugh. Elsa sympathetically wrinkles her brows before circling Anna's hood again with two skilled fingers. "Hha. How does that feel so good?"  
  
"Would you like to finish like this or…?"  
  
"T-try m-more." Elsa's stomach drops pleasantly and she tightens her thighs before rubbing Anna a little roughly, biting her own tongue as she watches Anna's head tilt back hard. Elsa prods at Anna's entrance, just to test it. She dips her fingertip in and hisses.  
  
"Tight," Elsa comments, a little bit of worry coming up in her mind. I really hope she'll be able to take at least one.  
  
"Yeah I--don't--I haven't a lot--d-done--" Anna just curses at herself and her neck tensed with aggravation.  
  
"Calm down," Elsa says, using her much softer voice again. "Listen to me." Anna nods again, whimpering and opening her legs a little more. Elsa loves the feel of that heel rubbing against her backside as Anna flexes her legs. Elsa presses her mouth right against Anna's red ear and breathes out quietly. It has the desired effect and Anna moans, doubling her volume when Elsa unexpectedly gets her middle finger in.  
  
" _Fuck _," Anna chokes, chest arched slightly.  
  
"Good. I'm gonna be slow until you tell me otherwise. Let me know if it hurts." Anna bites her lip in response and Elsa kisses at Anna's ear, tugging gently while feeling her body pulsate at the feeling of being inside this person she worships. Anna feels like the softest warmest bundle of nerves and flesh and Elsa's losing her mind slowly. Right now Elsa's keeping a rhythm that's hardly stretching her finger from it's joint but that's alright. She's just closing her eyes and listening to Anna's little whimpers and scarce breaths that are intoxicating like the heaviest alcohol out there.  
  
Elsa knows she's been a number of people's seconds and thirds but never any firsts. Her own first was hardly even that, she only let her get a finger in and pump it twice before she jerked her away. But she doesn't care about that because this isn't just Anna's real first, but it's sort of her's too. And maybe she should tell Anna that.  
  
"Anna?" It's flattering when Anna takes ten full seconds to snap out of it before she answers back with a needy hum and a kiss on the head. The warmth of their bodies touching and the quiet of the room is incredibly comforting to Elsa while she coughs up courage. "I've never really let anyone touch me before. I'm usually the only one. So." Elsa clears her throat and rocks her finger into Anna especially hard for the first time, slamming her palm against Anna's clitoris and making her moan so loud it pops her ear. Elsa drops her voice so it's slightly more seductive again. "I'm so grateful you're letting me have you like this. And… when you're ready, Anna…" Elsa just licks the tip of one ear and Anna's pawing at her shoulder. "I'll let you make me yours as well."  
  
"Oh my--Ga--YES. YES. YES." Elsa laughs quietly and leans back to watch Anna as she slides another finger in. It's almost impossibly tight but Anna doesn't look to be in pain and Elsa's really wanting to see this woman come apart--and soon.  
  
"So let's make this count, huh sweetheart?" Anna just nods slowly and miserably, grabbing Elsa's hand that's touching her and using her other freckled hand to tug at Elsa's hair so they're kissing again.  
  
"HH--" Elsa loves the taste of her tongue. "Ff--mmm!" Elsa loves the sound of every noise. "Elsa!" And Elsa's learning to love the sound of her own name when it's Anna who's crying it. "Elsa please!" Elsa feels herself go cross eyed and she pulls her fingers out, making Anna huff in surprise. Elsa doesn't explain, she just moves to be between Anna's legs, leaning over her while on her own knees so she can keep one hand on Anna's stomach while her other hand goes right back to Anna's opening and pushes in fast and hard. The guttural sound Anna makes has Elsa seeing stars.  
  
"I promise this will feel better." Elsa starts really using her biceps, pumping in fast then pulling out slow and her eyes are glued to the subtle bounce of Anna's breasts in her sea foam green bra. Which is just too fitting, Elsa thinks with a smile. She wants to lick up those little freckles on her chest or bite at the skin above her navel. And maybe she should. "May I kiss your body?"  
  
"Please do!" Anna's reaching for Elsa's shoulder while the blonde leans down, going straight to bite over Anna's bra and tease at a nipple showing through. Anna hisses and sits up, undoing her bra in the most clumsy way possible and whipping it somewhere behind Elsa, nearly hitting the blonde on the eye. She has to laugh anyway. Elsa starts moving faster again, and Anna's mouth is just permanently open to let out harsh gasps while she digs her pink nails into Elsa's shoulder, surely leaving a dozen marks. Anna lets out a little quiet " _ooh Elsa _," and Elsa's possessive side takes over. She slams into Anna making the girl lose her breath before sucking on a nipple the slightest bit too hard. Anna slams a fist into the bedsheets and brings her feet further up the bed to press into Elsa's ribs.  
  
"Elsa--Els, I--nn! Els!" Elsa leaves one more mark before crawling up Anna, leaving a dozen little kisses, her favorite being on the cartilage of Anna's throat, before she leans over Anna's face, never stopping her fingers that are moving quickly now.  
  
"How is it?" Elsa asks with a smugness on her face that she quickly wipes away with her tongue rolling over her own lips.  
  
"A--ah I think you know the answer."  
  
"Mm. Well I can stop then?"  
  
"Don't you dare!" Elsa laughs in response and kisses Anna, pulling on her bottom lip with her teeth. "This is so good I can't fucking--I--it's so much!"  
  
"I understand," Elsa says, kissing Anna's sharp jaw a few times. She starts pressing into Anna so hard and fast that the pounding of skin sounds almost dangerous. But Anna is starting to moan aggressively and writhe against Elsa so animalistically that she knows it's ok.  
  
"ELS!" Elsa feels herself get exceptionally excited yet devastatingly nervous. This was it.  
  
"Anna. You tell me when. I'm here for you."  
  
"G--Is it lame--HAH, MM--" Anna gasps into Elsa's mouth and that was the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. "Is it bad I'm s-scared?!" Elsa wraps an arm around Anna's back and hugs her tight while keeping her same pace. The position really hurts her forearm muscles that are being pulled apart and abused, but she isn't stopping no matter how numb this is making her.  
  
"It's going to be alright. It's me. It's just me." Anna makes a moan that sounds more like the start of a sob and she feels hands that were caught in the sheets land on her back and hug her almost impossibly tight before Anna's feet lift slightly off the bed and Anna confidently whispers,  
  
"I'm ready. Make me yours now." Elsa moans just as loudly as Anna at those words and she pounds Anna like it's the last thing she's got in the world.  
  
All of the screeching moans Anna had in her die while her back arched so hard they heard her spine crack. Her mouth is nearly splitting at the corners with how wide it is as Elsa is just watching in absolute awe as her fingers are trapped, unable to move as Anna's body clenches so hard her fingers nearly break. It lasts twenty seconds, probably the longest orgasm Elsa's ever had the pleasure of seeing or having, and Anna's face is beat red while the veins in her neck are puffing up by nearly a quarter inch. And all at once Anna comes down, her arms and feet dropping loudly as she lets out a half-cry, half-scream, half-laugh that melts Elsa completely. She pulls out of Anna and just stares at the mess of thick arousal that's sticking and dripping to her palm and fingers and she collapses beside Anna just utterly spent and satisfied like no orgasm has ever done for her. Ever.  
  
"Oh my GOD." Anna sits up as straight as an arrow. "OH MY GOD." Elsa sits up to, anxiety weighing down her shoulders.  
  
"Are you ok? I--" Anna throws a twitching finger against Elsa's lips.  
  
"No. Do NOT apologize! That was like--" Anna does the kind of laugh that has you spitting everywhere while she shakily covers her mouth and laughs so hard her body shakes like a leaf. "I--ccangff" Elsa just stares.  
  
"What is even happening?" Elsa asks with a weirded out smile.  
  
"I'm losing it."  
  
"...I can see that."  
  
"Screw you," Anna laughs again, finally sighing it out and wiping at her eyes. She turns to Elsa and throws herself into her body, making Elsa huff at the jabbing of her sore arms. "You're… I can't even think of words. I never. I've never had that feeling before in my life."  
  
"Me either," Elsa responds quietly, resting her back against the sturdy metal headboard and petting Anna's trembling back.  
  
"But you didn't… do anything?"  
  
"I don't need to orgasm to get off on it." Anna's eyes open then close in surprise and Elsa kisses her lids with a little pop of her lips. "Besides," the older woman glides her fingers through Anna's hair and fixes her bangs against her forehead again. Anna leans into the touch. "I just want to see you happy… and it doesn't matter how." Anna opens her eyes and it's like she's really seeing Elsa or something because Elsa gets this warm fuzzy feeling in her chest she can't describe.  
  
"You've been lying to me," Anna says however. Elsa raises a brow, pausing her touches. "You kept saying you were an awful person. That you were cold and--all these things." Anna just shakes her head, her eyes still open. "But that's all a lie. You're the sweetest, kindest, most sensitive person I've ever met. And… and I just wanna see all of you from here on out." Elsa can't think of anything to say to that, so she just hugs Anna again, and they spend the rest of the night just like this.  
____


	8. Then VS Now

  
Six Years Ago  
  
Elsa was hiding herself away in her massive bedroom per usual, but this time was a little different… she had snuck a girl in with her. And what was the biggest dislike of her parents who should have been fast asleep by nine? Homosexuals. 'Too bad,' Elsa had bitterly thought at the time. Her parents always tried to say they did nothing wrong. "You have EVERYTHING you could ever want Elsa! Just hide it! Stay single and ignore those disgusting impulses," they had always said. But now Elsa was two days out of conversion camp, and she was more lit up than ever before on her deeply hidden anger that fueled her fire tonight. So here she is, making out on her bed with another victim of the camp that had their fingers being pricked with ice cubes while they were forced to talk about touching other girls. And it worked in one sense; Elsa didn't want to be touched for even a second.  
  
"Just grip the sheets," she spit between kisses. So the raven haired girl did, with a begrudging whine. Elsa forced herself out of her shell and made herself the one dominating when in her real life she was always subjected to the corner. It didn't matter the context of the company or whether the person in front of her was a CEO of a place her parents worked for, she never spoke up. Yet here she was now, barking orders and holding a girl a year older than her against the bed. Maybe this aggression was another curse of the camp, because on Fridays they were forced to watch hard pornography to be taught what not to do… and doing what she shouldn't was all Elsa wanted these days.  
  
"Isn't this your first time?" came the hushed voice, staring up at blue eyes that didn't ever look back. Elsa just shrugged and started popping buttons with a graceful eagerness as she pushed a knee into the apex of Esmeralda's thighs. The green eyed girl moaned just slightly and it put a rigidity in Elsa's back that never left throughout the night. It seemed like Esmeralda was going to talk again, but Elsa cut her off with a sharp tug of her white jeans. It wasn't good sex. Hardly even memorable. But it was the start of an awful addiction Elsa had until now, when she was a late twenty-two and had already made too many mistakes to count. The sneaking around was only one a month, then once a week, until it got to almost everyday of the week. That was when she had pushed her luck too far, and one of the girls she had were far too loud for their own good.  
  
BANG!  
  
Elsa and the girl gave each other panicked looks and hopped off the bed, thankfully throwing clothes on before Elsa's short tempered father used his key to open her tall door. He stared at Elsa and then the girl. But his gaze mostly just stayed transfixed on his daughter’s shivering body.  
  
"Get out," he barked at the girl, clenching his fists. She didn't care about Elsa in the first place so she pretty much sprinted out of the house. Her jankey old Jeep croaked as she sped off of their cobblestone driveway in the outskirts of New York. He stalked his way over to her, and like the well trained dog she was, she stood there and waited for him to lift his massive and wrinkled hand to connect with the side of her face. STKK! She stumbled a foot away and bottled up her fear.  
  
"You're out of here," he said easily, gritting his teeth and scowling like a wolf. "You won't stay in this city and you will never step foot in this house until you are reformed back to something normal." And he left, muttering the words, "We will never accept you." Just like that.  
  
Elsa was never the same again.  
  
Her move to Chicago wasn't even hard necessarily. Her parents did it all, from renting out the apartment to throwing her in a private school closest to her. It wasn't even like Elsa cared about being alone, or that she had no friends, because that was honestly nothing new. Everyday for Elsa was unforgettable and as she's telling Anna almost every nitty gritty detail, this area of her life is almost completely gone from her mind. Everything comes up blank and that's kind of horrifying when those awful memories took up so much of her restless nights for years before.  
  
"It's alright," Anna comforts her, running her fingers over Elsa's arm that's swung over Anna's hip as they lay face to face in the bed. Elsa kind of just looks nauseous and she's glad Anna can't see her for once. Really sight doesn't matter because Anna is highly adept at just knowing how Elsa feels even when she's silent. "Thank you for telling me more…." Elsa just nods, her hair making scratchy noises against the pillow case. "How often do you talk to them?"  
  
"My parents?" Elsa huffs in thought. "Maybe twice a year. I haven't physically seen them since I was at the airport that day I moved." Anna gawks and holds Elsa a little tighter.  
  
"I can't imagine not seeing my parents everyday." Anna laughs without humor and picks at Elsa's bare skin. "It's kind of embarrassing how much I need them but," Anna laughs again, sounding even more upset, "Can't do anything about that, can I?" Elsa stares at Anna's weary smile and thinks hard before her next words.  
  
"Well… have you thought about moving out?" Anna shakes her head no and then flails her hand around a bit.  
  
"I really can't. It's not safe unfortunately." Elsa sucks her teeth before opening her mouth again.  
  
"How about if you moved in here, with me?" Anna sputters up incomprehensible jumbles of words before getting slightly red in the face and explaining that,  
  
"No no! I'm too much work, you really wouldn't want me around, I--" Elsa just silences her with a kiss.  
  
"I'd love to take care of you," Elsa sincerely says, kissing Anna's forehead.  
  
"In more ways than one, huh?" Elsa grins and so does Anna.  
  
"That's a definite plus," Elsa answers back, kissing Anna sweetly. "A plus I'd love to do again right now," Elsa slips out, cringing at herself after. "Sorry sorry--"  
  
"--Hah. That's ok. We can get raunchy in here." Anna tips her head to the side and opens her eyes that are glancing down at Elsa's breasts. “Liiiiike,” Anna twirls her hair around one finger. ”Hearing how YOU sound would be pretty nifty.”  
  
“Hmmm. Maybe if you earn it,” Elsa teases, making Anna pout and jump onto Elsa’s hips. The blonde sits up as far as she can and wraps an arm around Anna's backside while her mouth leaves a dark mark on freckled breasts to match the other purple ones. Before Anna knows what's happening, Elsa is breaking her back to kiss lower while simultaneously sliding down the bed until she’s on her back and forcing Anna to scoot up toward her face. Then there's a long tongue licking all the way up Anna’s sore but enticing core.  
  
"W--Nngh! Change my mind. Not mad about it!" Elsa hums against her clitoris and Anna reaches for Elsa's hair in pleasure that's so unexpected and overwhelming that she feels her body shiver as if in a cold sweat. Elsa doesn't wait long before her need to do this overtakes her and she starts licking Anna fast while pressing down as hard as she can with her tongue. Anna seems to writhe and grind her hips against Elsa's mouth when she nips and plays more with her opening, so Elsa sticks there for the most part. A gush of arousal rushes into her mouth and Elsa surprises herself with the loudness of her own moan that almost echoes inside of Anna's body.  
  
"Fuck," Elsa cries, narrowly opening her eyes to look up at Anna whose breasts are all she can see past. "Gh--I want you like this more just don't finish for a while, ok?" Anna moans out her yes and Elsa's pelvis jumps up while her toes flex into the air. She holds Anna's thighs with a death grip but she sometimes grabs Anna's backside making her cry out.  
  
"Gh--I love when you touch there!" Elsa smiles into her licks and sneaks her fingers from Anna's back to inside her with one finger. "Argh! Elssss I--nnnh!" Anna nearly falls forward and hits the headboard, so Elsa uses one hand to stay on her stomach and keep her in place. "Nff--You're fucking amazing," Anna whines, nose pointed at the ceiling while her heart beats loud in her own ears. She's so overtaken by the feeling of fingers ramming in and out of her and the mouth sucking on her brutally that she doesn't even realize she's bobbing up and down on Elsa's face. It gets to be almost impossible to kiss so Elsa regretfully pulls off.  
  
"You enjoy riding."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"It seems like you want to ride me," Elsa responds, fingers still unhelpfully moving around inside of her girlfriend. Anna tips her head down and opens her eyes that are off to the side. "I have toys." Anna's face grows pink to the point of looking a whole other skin tone.  
  
"Um, I don't know if I'd likefitoranythinglikethat." Elsa stills her fingers as she asks,  
  
"Would you like to try?" Anna licks her lip in thought and nods yes. Elsa's body heats up. The blonde guides Anna down and just as she was getting off the bed, the doorbell rang. "Huh. One second I suppose." Elsa starts putting her clothes on and Anna starts to do the same before Elsa stops her with a hand on her wrist. "Wait I want--"  
  
"--You never know who it is and I can't see so it's best to wait." Elsa drops her head and makes a begrudging sound. Anna just laughs and kisses Elsa softly on the face. "Tonight baby."  
  
"More like in ten minutes," Elsa mumbles as she throws on straight legged jeans and a collared shirt. Anna just slaps Elsa's backside to which Elsa responds to by slapping Anna's front side which makes Anna squeak.  
  
"So rude."  
  
"You started it," Elsa defends, walking them toward the front. The bell rings again. "Coming!"  
  
"I'll get you back."  
  
"Counting on it," Elsa says, sounding hopeful in a way that makes Anna redden again. Elsa swings the door open with a smile on her face that instantly drops off onto the floor and bounces down the hall.  
  
"...Mother?" Anna gets stiff and twists her way into the kitchen that's just in earshot of the front hallway. 'Shit. Do I hide or do I just let her explain. Shit shit shit!'  
  
"Elsa," her tall and intimidating parent croaks, looking at Elsa with tears in her eyes.  
  
"Wha--Where's Father?" Elsa sounds nervous, and she checks down the hall both ways, eyes frantic. Her mother just shakes her head and grabs Elsa, pulling her into a tight bone crushing hug that makes Elsa choke.  
  
"I left him. I finally left!" Malin wept tears that sprinkled into Elsa's matching hair as her body shook with anguish. Her and Elsa hadn't spoken since she was sent away, and even then it was only a weak goodbye from her father's pet, poor young Malin.  
  
"Uh-huh," Elsa hums under her breath. "So after I'm out of the thick of it you decide to save yourself and not your daughter." Malin backs up a whole step and just stands in the middle of the hallway while Elsa steps into the shadow of her doorway. "Well. Glad you're…" Elsa just shrugs. 'I don't know if it's OUT or BETTER or what the words are.'  
  
"Elsa I wish I had been stronger but I was not. I know that! I wasn't a good mother to you and I know that as well. But Elsa," she reaches out to her daughter who immediately holds a hand up. Malin stops her touch and drops her hand into her coat pocket with a shove. "Can't we restart?" Elsa just stares at her, her eyes narrow and her jaw slack. She just wants to say no. 'And she'd deserve that. She watched him shout at me and heard him hit me and here she is… asking for me. When has she done such a thing before?'  
  
"I need you to leave," Elsa coughs, hand tugging on the knob to close it sooner rather than later. "I will call sometime soon. I have to think some things over."  
  
"At least you'll think about it," Malin answers sadly, staring down at her daughter’s downcast eyes. Elsa says nothing else and shuts the door loudly before just standing in the hallway. 'She allowed me to be abused. She watched me leave twice. She's weak and pitiful and everything I never want to be. And here she is… coming back.' Elsa huffs and scratches her neck. There's a sudden sizzle of desire in her that always comes when she is upset. She wants sex and she wants it now, whether that's good or bad. She cleared her mind scarily easy and stomped her way to the kitchen where Anna was innocently sipping her green tea she always had in the fridge.  
  
"Was that really your Mom?" Elsa doesn't answer and puts a foot on the stool she turns Anna in just to be a head above her while she kisses her soundly. "Mm--Wait we--" Elsa kisses harder, forcing Anna to keep her mouth busy as she tugs at the red head's loose shirt and pushes it up to touch a bare breast. "Stop," Anna barks. Elsa almost doesn't, and she wouldn't have before… but she does stop this time. For Anna. "Don't fall back on something so pure between us just to ignore things." Elsa feels incredibly called out and her shoulders sag as she steps off the stool footrest.  
  
"You're right," Elsa agrees in her funk, resting an elbow on the counter. Anna hugs her though, and that at least makes Elsa feel less emotionally punctured. "My Mother wants something. Probably to stay here for a while."  
  
"And you don't want that because of how she was to you before?"  
  
"She abandoned me," Elsa explains, voice getting slightly louder. "Why does she have the nerve to think I'd EVER help her now?!" Elsa lets go of Anna and runs a hand through her hair, scraping her forehead with her nails. "She didn't do a thing for me! Fuck h-- _dammit! _" Elsa slams a fist against the counter and groans in annoyance. Anna allows her to settle down, but it doesn’t do that for Elsa who’s fuming inside. Every inch of her intestines are shriveling up in anger and it hurts to the point of worry. 'I swear I’m gonna get a damn ulcer one of these days.'  
  
"But it's been a few years, Elsa. It sounded like your dad really held her down. He abused her too." Elsa doesn't respond, just puffs out her breath and stays in her own head.  
  
“I don’t care. I really don’t. And now I can’t even have you move in if she was here! I can only imagine the religious bullshit she’d spit at me!” Elsa growls at a random dish in the sink and stomps over to her fridge, whipping it open so fast every bottle clinks. Elsa’s starting to wonder where this intensity even came from. She hardly even makes expressions on her face, let alone full on scowls like she’s wearing now. “Want eggs?” Anna nervously picks at her corduroy pants.  
  
“I don’t know if you should cook right now, Elsa….”  
  
“Of course I can cook,” Elsa snaps back, kicking her fridge closed and dangerously tossing the egg carton onto the counter. One of them definitely cracked and now Elsa was sucking her teeth at the yolk dripping down her drawers. “Figures.”  
  
“Els,” Anna starts slowly, raising a hand up in supine. “You need to just sit down for a minute and--”  
  
“--I don’t! I’m fine alright? I told you what would help me--I’d get this aggression out if we just fuck--”  
  
“--I really don’t like how you’re talking to me right now,” Anna interrupts, puffing out one side of her lip. Elsa takes a breath and rubs her hand over her face. “Where’s the Elsa from ten minutes ago? I wanna talk to her.” Elsa feels another bout of agitation that she actively tries to swallow down with a chug of water.  
  
“Ok,” Elsa sighs. “Ok. I’m here. I’m sorry.” Anna just opens her arms and Elsa drags her feet over the black and white tiles before hugging Anna back who's still up on the stool. Elsa stuffs her face into the crook of Anna’s neck and breathes in her natural scent. “I’m sorry….”  
  
“It’s ok,” Anna answers quietly, kissing the top of Elsa’s head. “I love you baby.” Elsa’s heart flutters again and she hugs Anna tighter. “Hey I might know what will make you feel better.” Elsa bit her tongue before she jumped in with a desperate, 'what? Making love to you?'  
  
“What would?”  
  
“Ice cream,” Anna cheers.  
  
“Mmm but that requires a forty minute ride on the Brown line… or an Uber… when I can just be lazy with you all day and night.” Anna smiles against Elsa’s cheek at those sweet words and scratches underneath Elsa’s chin like you do a cat.  
  
“But being lazy won’t get it off your mind!” Anna kisses Elsa’s nose. “And it means I get to tell my parents I might be moving in with someone.” Elsa’s eyes open wide and she moves back so she can look at Anna’s big grin.  
  
“You really would like to move in?” Anna just nods with a bounce of her shoulders. “Then let’s go tell them.”  
  
Fourteen Train Stops Later  
  
The second Anna stuck her key in the door her mom was on them like white on rice. She pointed out every difference in Anna from the way she walked to the way she talked to the way her face was just slightly more red. Apparently moms have a knack for knowing when their daughters weren’t quite so innocent anymore, and Iduna was living it up. The end only to the teasing only came when Iduna loudly whispered,  
  
“Well how was she?” to Anna that the redhead finally snapped.  
  
“STOP! We are NOT going there, Mamma!” Elsa had to crack a smile and it got the attention of the older woman.  
  
“Hmmm,” Iduna skirted her way over and inspected Elsa who shrank back to Anna’s side on the couch. “You do seem like you’ve got an air of confidence you just hide when you’re in the presence of parents.” Iduna smiled a bit and pinched Elsa’s ear. “Let up hun. You don’t have to be so tense with us.” Elsa just smiles politely and nods her thanks. Anna saves her from the awkwardness she knows Elsa’s feeling by jumping to the point.  
  
“Mamma,” Iduna looks up at her daughter and crosses her legs. “I wanna move in with Elsa.” Elsa sucks in a breath. That was quick. Iduna blinks twice.  
  
“But it’s only been two months?”  
  
“Three,” Elsa corrects.  
  
“Well it doesn’t matter. I love her.” Elsa looks down at the floor, flustered by the admittance in front of an adult. It just feels wrong, and all I can imagine is my Father shouting at me. She shivers slightly and Anna rubs her thigh soothingly. “And she’s great to me Mamma! She even got the Google Home thingy in case I needed something and she was out for a second! And she even places things in spots only for me already.” Iduna skeptically itches her scalp and sits further back in her husband’s rickety recliner. She really stares into Elsa and Elsa tries her hardest to keep the contact. 'It’s like a test. She’s watching me to see if I mean what I’m saying.'  
  
“Elsa,” Iduna begins, more moody than before. “Agnarr and I have spent years taking care of her. It takes a lot of time, money, research, and PATIENCE,” Iduna looks at her more pointedly on that last one, “to take care of a disabled person.” Anna’s hand comes off of Elsa’s thigh and wraps around her opposite arm self consciously. Elsa looks at Anna whose face is twisted up. 'This is the insecurity Anna hides about herself. She doesn’t want to be too much work for me.' Iduna clears her throat and Elsa looks back at the woman. “Not to mention…. We know it can be taxing, and it can be a real stress on relationships.” Anna sinks into the couch a little more and Elsa frowns. It looks like Iduna was about to speak again but Elsa cuts in defensively.  
  
“No. It’d never be taxing.” Iduna looks surprised at the words that Elsa put so much inflection into. “Anna belongs with me and I don’t care if I have to spend thousands in technology for her to live a little easier. I don’t even care if she has to transform my whole apartment into exactly what she needs. My stuff is replaceable, she is not.” Anna tries to bite back the smile on her lips while Elsa holds the rigidity in her posture.  
  
“Are you sure?” Iduna’s brows are still high up on her wrinkled forehead.  
  
“Of course I am,” Elsa answers as if it was more obvious than the color of the sky. Iduna chuckles at her hands in her lap. “I’ll do whatever I can to learn how to help her.”  
  
“She means it, Mamma.” Iduna smiles and it’s uncanny how much it makes her look like Anna.  
  
“I’m agreeing,” Iduna remarks. “And I’m glad to see you so enthusiastic if I dare say, Elsa.” The blonde sort of huffs and looks away again. Anna doesn’t give any warning before she slams herself into Elsa and hugs her like a new teddy bear.  
  
“Ah--” Elsa coughs out, hugging Anna back with a tint of pink on her face as she checks back to Iduna who’s just grinning again. “Anna let go,” she whispers.  
  
“Fineeee.” Anna kisses her girlfriend’s head making Elsa even more embarrassed and then proceeds to mess up her bangs.  
  
“Stop,” Elsa complains, flicking Anna’s naval.  
  
“Girls, girls. I still have a questio-- ANNA stop pulling her hair. Geez! When’s the big day?” Anna turns her head toward Elsa and sort of gives her an expectant look that Elsa shrugs at before scratching her side.  
  
“Well… anytime Anna would like,” she answers quietly, completely being overtaken by the positive shout of,  
  
“THEN TOMORROW!” By Anna, before Anna slaps a hand against her cheek and starts rambling. “Wait I can’t cuz tomorrow I work and--” It goes on for two full minutes while Anna starts pacing around every obstacle around the house. Elsa almost has a heart attack when Anna smacks into an expensive looking vase but somehow catches it from behind herself. Elsa shoots Iduna an, ‘Are you going to do something?’ look that Iduna responds to with a roll of her eyes.  
  
“This is Anna for ya.” Iduna just watches her daughter with the softest look Elsa’s ever seen, and she’s transfixed. She tightens her fist thinking of her own mother who would never be caught dead looking at her like that. 'But maybe this is what all parents should be like… and maybe one day if Anna and I marry, Iduna’ll be like that with me or our child--' Elsa snaps back into reality. 'I was really just thinking about marriage and children…. Who AM I?' And then her head aches when she thinks about her mother again and the looming question of what to do dawns on her. 'If I can be given a chance by people like Aurora and Anna.... then my own Mother can be afforded some sort of… something.'  
__


	9. Reunited

  
“I’m nervous,” Elsa blurts, staring at a broken piece of the dark wood floorboard in Anna’s bedroom. The redhead’s hugging her from behind while Elsa sits stiffly on the edge of the bed and kisses her head. “I have no idea how to even greet her. And do I tell her about us? What if she wants to argue with me about you, and I--I’d have to shout. I--”  
  
“--Shh,” Anna kisses her head again. “You’re psyching yourself up and it’s just making it worse baby.” Elsa shut her eyes and nips at the corner of her phone that was so close to her mouth. “I think you need to just call, say hi, ask her where she’s staying, and ask her if you can meet sometime.”  
  
“Ff--I really don’t want to see her again.”  
  
“But then you’ll be holding onto all of this aggression, Els. It’s hurting you more than helping you. That’s what my psychiatrist always says.” Elsa turns her head toward Anna.  
  
“You see a doctor?” Anna smiles without humor.  
  
“Have to. That’s why I never hang out Tuesdays.” Elsa takes note of that and touches Anna’s hands that are holding onto Elsa’s stomach. “It helps.”  
  
“I’m sure,” Elsa assented, rubbing Anna’s arms a little.  
  
“You know… they do have therapy for families….” Elsa rejects it entirely, scoffing.  
  
“No thanks. I’ve had enough therapy.” Anna furrows her brows.  
  
“It’s not the same as a conversion camp Elsa, they actually help you not prod at your mind--”  
  
“--I’m good I said,” Elsa rebuked, turning away from Anna again. The younger of them sighs, making little bits of Elsa’s hair blow out. “I’m gonna just call now.” Anna hugs her a little tighter before dropping her chin on Elsa’s shoulder. She starts helpfully rubbing Elsa’s spine and Elsa feels her head getting heavy.  
  
Brrr-ing. Brrrrrrr-ing. Brrr-ing.  
  
“Come on,” Elsa groans impatiently, making Anna kiss her one more time.  
  
“Hello? Elsa?” Elsa freezes, her mind blanking out before Anna taps the side of her head.  
  
“Um--yes. Hello.” Anna cringes at the formality. 'I could never imagine talking to my family like this,' Anna thinks. “So about earlier…”  
  
“Oh! I’m so happy you got back to me so quickly! I thought you’d never call!”  
  
“Uh-huh,” Elsa mumbles, voice deep. She can hear noises in the background. “Are you out? Where are you?”  
  
“Just somewhere near… Pilsen?” Elsa sits up a bit straighter.  
  
“That area isn’t always the safest you know? Stay more North. And don’t go around there too often at night, alright?” Anna has to smile to herself at those words. 'Even if she can’t stand her mom she’s trying to watch out for her. I bet she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it.'  
  
“Good to know hun. Thank you.” There’s a pause and Elsa clearly looks like she has no idea what to say next. “I’d love to see your art again. I’m sure you’ve grown exponentially.”  
  
“Yes, Father’s money was well spent,” Elsa answers, feeling as though she’s nipping that argument in the bud right then and there. “Before you ask, which I’m sure you will,” Elsa rolls her eyes, “I haven’t changed personally.”  
  
“...I’m not sure what you mean.” Elsa just sighs and tightens her jaw.  
  
“Sexuality wise, Mother.” Anna holds her breath and pets Elsa’s shoulders. It takes almost ten seconds before Malin responds.  
  
“Elsa… it wasn’t me who had the problem with that.” Elsa jerks her head forward and laughs outwardly.  
  
“You’re funny,” Elsa barks, struggling to keep her old self down somewhere in her stomach. “If that was true you’d never have let me go-- just forget about it.” Elsa runs her fingers through her hair and Anna hugs her again. Elsa takes that with ease and leans backward into the warmth. “Where are you living?”  
  
“Hold on we should really talk more about this--”  
  
“--Not now,” Elsa insists, voice sounding cold again. “Where are you living, Mother?” Anna almost feels wrong listening to this. It’s just so unnatural and stilted and Anna hates seeing Elsa this way. 'Hopefully she’ll see me with my parents and she’ll be able to adapt.'  
  
“Well, on South Michigan.” Elsa shakes her head in disbelief. She had an eerie feeling she knew where this was going.  
  
“South and what?”  
  
“...Adams.” Elsa scratched the back of her neck until it was red with four marks.  
  
“A block from my school, hm? Planned?” Elsa was sucking on her tongue so hard it felt like the muscle was being pulled from its place.  
  
“I just wanted there to be the chance of seeing you….” Elsa just sighed and Anna overheard the brokenness in the voice on the other end, and she slapped Elsa’s arm. Elsa gives her a confused and peeved look that Anna blindly shakes her head at. Anna snatches Elsa’s phone and mutes it, luckily hitting the right spot due to her practice of such things.  
  
“STOP being a JERK!” Elsa pffts and Anna whacks her again. “Do you not hear her?! She clearly misses you Elsa! You owe her at least ONE visit! Now ASK!” Elsa hisses at her feet and unmutes the call.  
  
“Ok. Then I suppose we can meet.” Anna hums in acceptance and whispers,  
  
“Good girl.” Elsa groans and grips the phone tighter.  
  
“Really? And um, is that another girl with you?” Elsa feels her blood run cold. “Is it?” Elsa looks at Anna who’s not giving her any sort of signal.  
  
“Y-yes.”  
  
“Is she… is she your significant other?” Elsa chokes on her yes and her parent hums on the other end. “Will she be joining us?” Elsa flinches before Anna tears the phone out of Elsa’s death grip and answers with a lighthearted,  
  
“I’d love to!” Elsa literally almost breaks her jaw from how low it’s hanging. “Besides, I think Elsa might really screw this up with you if I’m not there.” Milan laughs like Elsa’s rarely heard before and Elsa has to step off the bed to catch her barings.  
  
“Well, I look forward to meeting you. Will you ask her when this gathering will be taking place?” Anna tips her head to one side and puts the phone against her chest.  
  
“Els? When?” Elsa just holds her head with both hands and screeches inside her own mouth before Anna decides for her. “Tonight.” Elsa might implode. “How about at six? She’ll send her address soon.”  
  
“Wonderful. ...And thank you for your help here. I sense that you may be the one who got her on the phone in the first place.”  
  
“Maybe,” Anna chuckles, rubbing her elbow against her ribs to cease an itch.  
  
“See you soon then… um?”  
  
“I’m Anna.”  
  
“Milan. Goodbye.”  
  
“Bye!” Click!  
  
“ANNA,” Elsa yelps, throwing herself facedown on the bed and digging her fingers into the comforter. “NO no no no no!”  
  
“Babe calm down! It’s too late to back out now! This needs to happen.” Elsa just whines into the sheets. “So let me get my makeup on, and we will be getting ourselves together for dinner. Ok?” Elsa doesn’t even have a choice in the matter so she just cries into the sheets with a groan.  
  
5:53 PM  
  
Anna let Elsa kiss her like there was no tomorrow starting twenty minutes ago and Elsa was showing no signs of slowing down. She was gripping Anna's sides with all of her might and Anna was trying her hardest to keep up. The redhead knew this was going to either be one really draining night, or it was going to be the start of a real healthy relationship between a mother and daughter. She was just thrilled she could possibly help in some way. ...And the kissing was just a really nice bonus. Elsa was groping Anna's backside and tugging at her bottom lip with her teeth in such a hungry way it made Anna light up. This unawakened beast really let itself be known inside Anna since last night and Anna hates to admit it's getting hard to keep it locked up. 'And here I was so scared of everything… just to have some mindblowing sex that almost made me forget who I was.' Elsa sucks on her tongue and Anna whimpers Elsa's name. 'But maybe it's just a gift of Elsa's.'  
  
"Anna," the blonde under her breathes out. "I-I love you so much." Anna threads her fingers through Elsa's hair and interlaces their fingers in her lap.  
  
"I love you back, double-fold." She can tell Elsa's a little happier at those words until there's a knock on the door. "It's going to be ok. Alright?" Elsa just lets out a ragged breath and Anna knows she's just nodding. "You go first, ok? I'll be here."  
  
"Ok," Elsa agrees quietly, kissing Anna once more for good luck. Elsa had just turned away and braced herself before she heard Anna call out to her.  
  
"If everything goes well…" Anna plays with a button on her white blouse and teasingly reveals some of her modest cleavage. "Tonight could be really fun." Elsa moans into the stiff air and runs her hands together in anticipation. 'I love this girl so much,' Elsa thinks excitedly. It gets her mind off everything before she opens the door to her doom.  
  
"Hi," Malin greets, waving a little bit. There's a skittishness to her actions, head to toe, that Elsa's never even noticed before. It makes her feel less intimidated at least.  
  
"Hello." Elsa steps aside and Malin steps in, eyes wide yet muted in color. The older woman shakily takes her heels off and undoes the buttons on her Burberry coat. "Here," Elsa reaches for the coat and hangs it cautiously.  
  
"Thank you hun."  
  
"Mmm." They stand there with hands awkwardly patting their sides before Elsa decides to warn that, "Anna's blind. Please announce where you are when you're near her." Malin looks slightly surprised and Elsa jumps to defend her girlfriend with, "It's not a big deal."  
  
"I didn't say it was," Malin argues back, clearly shaken by the assumption. "You really need to stop expecting the worst; it's not very becoming of you, Elsa." Elsa tries hard to hold back another retort and deflects by pointing down the hall.  
  
"Anna's in the living room." Malin nods and straightens up her collar where her diamond necklace hangs underneath. As they near the corner, Malin calls out her hello. Anna stands immediately with her walking stick in her left hand. She kept her glasses on too just to be extra obvious about her handicap.  
  
"Hi! Glad you came." Anna raises her hand and Malin is sure to meet with it, shaking gently. Anna immediately notices the softness of the skin that feels similar to Elsa's with only a few thin wrinkles atop it. Elsa quickly gets to fill up their plates while Anna sets the table with startling accuracy that Malin wasn't anticipating. Malin also wasn't expecting just how… adult Elsa seemed down to her walk. She had everything together and planned and Malin seemed to be seeing a lot of her ex husband in Elsa. It just seemed (and she hoped) that most of those bad qualities weren't quite there, which she counted as a huge blessing. The conversation was a bit stilted at the start of the dinner with both mother and daughter sort of just looking at each other before slowly putting food in their mouths. Anna knew it was her time to shine, so she started asking questions.  
  
"Are you an artist?" Malin set her fork down for a moment and gave Anna eye contact she forgot she couldn't accept.  
  
"I'm a home decorator. So yes."  
  
"Oh that sounds really neat." Malin had to admit that anything Anna seemed to say made her feel a little bit peppier and comforted even if it was the smallest string of words. "When I could see I sort of really enjoyed going to those kinds of sections in magazines. But I was kinda too young to really appreciate it."  
  
"Oh," Malin thought before she spoke again, chewing a piece of her chicken. "Pardon me but it's a little hard to think of how to explain what I do if you cannot see." Anna just smiles down at her plate and pushes her glasses up her nose.  
  
"That's why I usually just have Els explain the textures and the setting to me. Sometimes the colors too I guess. But I'm starting to forget some of those," Anna adds with a hint of sadness. Malin looks at Elsa who's giving Anna a gentle look. A look Anna won't ever see, Malin thinks, melancholy. I hope she shows her affection in some other way.  
  
"So Anna," Malin starts, looking at Elsa. "Does my daughter treat you well?" Elsa shoots her gaze up questioningly.  
  
"The best!" Anna reassures happily, wrapping her arm over Elsa's shoulder for a moment. "She's an amazing person. It just took a little digging to find the real Elsa in there."  
  
"Hm." Elsa drops her gaze to her plate and pokes her broccoli. "And what's this Elsa like to you?"  
  
" _Mother _," Elsa cuts in, eyeing her parent carefully. "What is with these prying questions now?" Malin raises her hands up.  
  
"Don't give me that. This girl is calling you by a nickname you'd kill someone for calling you, and saying you're amazing. Why shouldn't I ask?"  
  
"Because being vulnerable scares the hell out of her," Anna answers, making Elsa sigh outwardly. "Sorry."  
  
"Just like your Father."  
  
"No," Elsa retorts aggressively. "Never like him. Ever." The cold look Elsa sends her way makes Malin shiver and drop her head down. Elsa feels her chest constrict. 'Now that I think about it, she did that when HE got short with her as well.' It took a moment for Elsa to convince herself again that she was nothing like that man before she excused herself and took a few short steps away to put her dish in the sink. They all followed shortly after.  
  
6:51  
  
It was almost weird how easily Anna and Malin were getting along. They were chatting it up like two young women, and Elsa felt like she wasn't even there. Really, Malin had Elsa when she was eighteen, so there wasn't that far of a distance in age between the three of them, and it was really showing right now. 'I mean come on, the two of them are even bumping elbows.'  
  
"Els," Anna beckons. "Maybe you could show your mom your art now?" Elsa feels a twinge of anxiousness about it. Yes a lot of her art is architectural, but the portraits and illustrations she's painted all say so much about who she is. Elsa forces her uneasy legs to stand and waves for her mother to follow.  
  
"Wow…" Malin's eyes are glued to the wall packed with work the second the lights flick on. Elsa helpfully has a few coolly lit spotlights on the area along with another flat file filed with work from before and during college. "These are… wow." Malin stands in front of the wall with bright eyes and a hand on her hip as she looks over each and every piece. She stops at one that's mostly just splattered paint in messy indigo and burnt sienna that's also painted with dirt. It's of a bedroom; Elsa's old one to be exact. Compositionally, the bed is in the forefront with two pairs of feet tangled together and clothes are scattered about on the floor. There's a shadow in the doorway but there's no door. Milan just breathes. Sex scenes in paintings are most typically grandious and warm in color… but this one was nothing of the sort. The blues and grittiness were the opposite of comforting, and that dark looming shadow just emphasized the anxieties Elsa felt back then.  
  
"I'm-I'm…" Elsa sputters out nothing else and turns her head away, concealing her explicit anxieties. 'I shouldn't have to say sorry for showing her that. It is what it is. I even got a cash reward for that piece. It's not my art anymore once it's hung on the wall anyhow.'  
  
"Elsa…." Milan puts a hand on that chilled shoulder and it takes a lot for Elsa not to pull away. "I begged him to let you stay." Elsa gave her a look of aggravated doubt and Milan sympathetically and softly turned Elsa toward her. "I did. Do you know how worried I was when you were gone? We couldn't even call you."  
  
"Not that Father would have wanted you to do that." Elsa keeps her eyes low, hardly looking up at the eyes equal to her height. "Look I don't want to talk about this."  
  
"We really should," Milan pushes. But when Elsa's face steels over, she drops her hand and crosses her arms under her breasts, looking back at the wall. The topic died that quickly. The next thing that really catches her eye is the newly framed portrait of Anna. It looks exactly like her and it's painted much more true to life than any other piece on the wall. The only imaginative section is the elusive cloudy backdrop of Winsor green and yellow ocher. Milan steps closer, her hand over her red painted lips as she leans in. The freckles are littered in such a careful matter along with the smile that it makes Milan grin just like it. Elsa captured the light heartedness to a tee, and it almost gives the viewer an overwhelmingly giddy feeling as if they too know this subject. Milan looks back at Elsa with a smirk.  
  
"So you love her." Elsa swallows and nods, eyes on the piece only. "First love?" Elsa nods again. "Hmm. Do you treat her well?"  
  
"I try to," Elsa answers with firmness, straightening her back.  
  
"You don't talk down to her or try setting her in her place?"  
  
"Of course not." Milan nods slowly and hugs herself.  
  
"Then I truly hope you didn't get any of your Father's other qualities."  
  
"I told you I'm nothing like him." Milan nods again, lips tight as she shifts her weight, making the floorboard creak. "Mother…?" Milan looks up at the sudden vulnerability in that voice. "He never um. He never hit you too, did he?" Milan covers her eyes with one hand before sucking on the inside of her cheek and nodding yes. Elsa lets out a loud agitated breath and brings her hand up to her neck.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't ever stop him Elsa… for your sake. I wish I was stronger." There's the slightest choke on that last word that has Elsa's heart twitching just a smidgen and Elsa takes one step forward, as if to embrace. Milan notices but she chooses not to pursue it. She knows Elsa's affection is fragile and it's partly her own fault as a mother. She hardly ever touched the daughter who she was in a way, forced, into having. But here's this girl in front of her, looking like an exact copy of herself except for the fairness of skin. Elsa is far more pale, and Milan prides her daughter's attractiveness.  
  
"Maybe if we had been closer… we'd have had courage to…" Elsa loses her thought and scratches her nose. Milan just clicks her tongue.  
  
"We can't think about the ‘maybes,’ hun." She looks at her daughter with so much obvious regret that it makes Elsa take a step back. "If I continued to let myself do that I'd probably cry myself a fucking river." She laughs uncharacteristically and 'has she ever sworn before,' Elsa wonders. "So. Will you please just TRY to overcome the past and let us start anew?" Elsa clicks her heels together and runs her toes against the ground. 'Give her a chance,' comes the righteous voice in her head. She finds herself waiting for that negative dialogue to float around her head, but that doesn't happen. She lifts her chin and looks at her mother, quite defiant. 'She was wronged as well. Let it go already. Show yourself to her just as she is to you.'  
  
"Ok, Mother." Malin's face falls with overwhelming relief and she throws herself at Elsa, scooping her up and kissing all over Elsa's forehead. "Ok maybe not this though," Elsa coughs, arms trapped at her sides. Malin doesn't let go, and maybe Elsa's slightly happy by that.  
__


	10. Blinded by You

  
"Nice meeting you, again," Malin shouts behind her, waving to Anna with a huge smile on her face that’s being mirrored.  
  
"You too! I hope you enjoyed the show!" Anna giggled at whatever Malin said back but Elsa was too busy staring at the closet of costumes in Anna's modest sized dressing room she shares with another cast member. "Els did you like it?" It snaps the blonde back to attention and she rests her hip against a short makeup counter to her left as it wobbles.  
  
"Yes. You were wonderful and so were the others. I'm just glad Mother behaved." Anna just chuckles at that and starts undoing her costume blouse. Elsa's eyes certainly drop to the exposed skin.  
  
"Well soon as I heard she had never seen the show anywhere I HAD to rectify that. Besides!" Anna playful whips her shirt at Elsa's body and Elsa squeaks in surprise. "Besides, I wanna move along your mommy-daughter bonding because it's been a week and you only hung out twice."  
  
"Must I see her more than that?" Elsa peels the shirt off her face and hangs it in place while Anna starts unbuttoning her fly. 'Ok this is distracting and we've only made love once which is a sin in my book.' Elsa inches her way closer stealthily.  
  
"Well I see my Mom everyday."  
  
"Not for long!" Elsa shouts behind Anna's ear making her jump obviously.  
  
"Jerk!" _SMACK! _"And yes not for long which is sototallyexcitinglikeIcan'twait!" Anna wraps her half naked body around Elsa who's having a hard time not purring as her hands slide over Anna's backside hardly covered by any fabric. Not just any underwear either. Lace. Elsa groans outwardly and Anna grabs the hands on her butt and slides them upward. "Tonight. Promise." Elsa looks at the cracked pink clock.  
  
"It IS tonight. It's ten twenty."  
  
"Oh stop whining!" Elsa pouts and pinches Anna's backside again. "Bad! Also," Anna starts putting her casual clothes on, "Did all my stuff get moved in?"  
  
"Your Father sent me a text during the intermission. Everything is well and done." Anna slaps her hands together and shoves her feet inside of her checkered pink slip ons and hops over to grab her light jacket Elsa got her yesterday. Which was a hassle. Anna didn't even want to accept it once her Mother outed me on the price. It had nearly ended in a fight but now Anna was snuggling herself inside it which made the trouble worth while. 'She may as well have refined taste even if she can't see it,' Elsa reasoned with a grin.  
  
"Well let's GO slowpoke!" Anna didn't even give her a chance before she was snatched by the hand and they were sprinting through the backstage.  
  
"See ya Anna!" Comes a man's voice ahead, holding the backdoor open for them with a huge goofy smile on his face.  
  
"Bye Kristoff!" Elsa tried to nod to him in a way that was respectable but the speed Anna had them going just made her look like a ragdoll in Anna's wake. Kristoff just smiled wider and shut the back door. The second they got in, Anna sniffed the air as if taking in a new place entirely. She waved toward her face with both shaking hands to fan her impending tears.  
  
"Ugh I never thought this day would come! I figured I'd be stuck with my parents forever--NOT that I'd mind of course I just neverevereverthought anyone could evereverever love someone likemeandalsowanttotake care of me so like--Yay?!" Elsa was sort of just standing outside the doorway of her own apartment with an amused look on her face and she leaned against the frame. She decides to just loop her arms around Anna's slim waist which Anna sighed into and leaned back. They laughed at themselves when instead of parting they waddled their way in and kicked the door closed with their heels.  
  
"With how lovely you are Anna," Elsa kisses her girlfriend's head, "I'm surprised you weren't already taken."  
  
"That's so cute," Anna coos, spinning in Elsa's arm and kissing her soundly. "You're amazing."  
  
"No, but you are, Anna." It makes the redhead smile and Elsa kisses her one more time before taking her hands and saying, "Now come on. I have some stuff to show you around the apartment."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Just come on," Elsa argues playfully, holding Anna's waist and walking her forward. When they get to the entertainment center in the living room, Elsa takes Anna's hand and presses her fingers against a new Google Home system so they have three in the apartment now.  
  
"Els you don't need to--"  
  
"--I wanted to." Elsa walks hand in hand with Anna down the hall and asks her to open the door to the bedroom. "Check the closet. She watches as Anna already seems to know her way to the long walk in closet that--  
  
"--Elsa?! Are these all my clothes now?!" Elsa grins and rests her back against the doorframe.  
  
"How can you tell?" Anna's touching every single piece of clothing very neatly stacked in drawers labeled with the type of clothing like jeans or jackets. "Well the braille first off. But these are totally my boots!" Anna bends down and happily shows Elsa her yellow Docs that she felt with her toe. "Where are your clothes then?" Elsa looks behind them over at the small little pull out rack next to her new white dresser.  
  
"Oh," Elsa touches Anna's hand and leads her over to the wall with the little light switch still inside the closet. Elsa clicks the small tube that detaches from the wall and presses it against Anna's shirt.  
  
"Dark. Red," comes the robotic voice that's slightly muffled.  
  
"What--that's awesome! I've only ever heard of these things." Anna snatches it and presses it against Elsa's pants.  
  
"Light. Blue."  
  
"It's correct," Elsa affirms, wiping a piece of Anna's hair behind her ear and pinching the lobe just to see Anna smile even wider.  
  
"That's kind of amazing, seriously. Thank you _so _much! Like you even put bumpers on the bottom of the doors I can tell." Anna looks so flustered yet absolutely heartwarmed and it makes Elsa shimmy her shoulder into Anna's to stop the flattery.  
  
"Don't worry about it. I'll do anything to make it a little easier for you here, sweetheart." That reminds Elsa, "One more thing."  
  
"Geeeez like just letting me live here wasn't enough?!" Elsa just huffs a laugh and sets Anna on the bed along with her favorite nightgown. She rushes to the kitchen counter and grabs the new key ring with braille on each colored grip. One was for Anna's house and the other was for here. She hands it to Anna as if it's a sacred gift. Anna's clumsy finger runs over the braille and she kisses the key. "I love this. And is this Daisy duck on the back? So sweet!"  
  
"Mhm." Elsa runs her hands together and leans back on her heels. "So… yeah. That's it."  
  
"'That's it?' No this is EVERYTHING!" Anna jumps up and hugs Elsa, rocking them side to side and kissing Elsa's jaw over and over. "I can't ever say thank you enough!"  
  
"Neither can I," Elsa says quietly, feeling lighter than she has in a long time. "Would you like to shower first?" Anna pulls back and tosses her glasses behind her on the bed.  
  
"Fuck taking turns Els we should only ever do it together from now on." Elsa opens her mouth in surprise and quickly rectified her silence with a loud,  
  
"YES PLEASE," that has Anna giggling while listening to Elsa skirt around her drawers. They get into the shower at record speed. "Tell me I get to wash you down?" Anna spins around, nearly slipping before Elsa catches her by her ribs and Anna leans up on her tippy toes to tug on Elsa's lip. She hardly pulls away before reaching for the soap as the water pours down on her back and hands the bottle to Elsa.  
  
"I did tell you you'd earned this the other day. Buttttt…." Anna leans into Elsa's ear while her hands press against pale breasts. "Even if I said no I'm thinking you have my permission to just take what you want from me, Els." The possibilities are endless and Elsa's feeling lightheaded. But a little warning light flickers off in her head so she calmly undoes the cap and squirts gel in her hand before warning that,  
  
"I don't think I could ever just 'take' from you. That's not how I want us to be… and I don't ever want to push a boundary in the first place." Anna's eyes drift off to the side and the hiss of the water comforts the two before Anna speaks again. Elsa starts rubbing the gel over Anna's shoulders and back with the graciousness of waxing an antique car decked with its original paint.  
  
"I didn't think about how the words sounded. I hear you though. Sorry, I was honestly trying for sensuality, not anything weird." Elsa just hums and remarks with,  
  
"I figured. I just want to be sure that you know." She gets a kiss for that and soon they're both biting their lips while their hands roam over each other's breasts with the disguise of "cleaning" one another. Elsa dips her head, the water hitting her closed eyelids, just to bite at the nipple caught between fingers. Anna whines for it and brings her hand up to Elsa's head. When the older of them growls against the breast, Anna clenches her fingers tighter against Elsa's shoulders.  
  
"Els I don't wanna wait anymore."  
  
"You should. I'm not done teasing you." Anna whimpers in a way that's caught between being so turned on she can't think and so needy she can't take it. It makes Elsa just want to delay her further, so she drops to her knees and presses Anna against the chilly tiles.  
  
"What're you doing?"  
  
"You'll find out, beautiful." Anna smiles at the ceiling and allows Elsa to lift one of her legs over Elsa's shoulder while the other is spread a little further away. A sneaking suspicion tells her what's going to happen next and her heart pounds adamantly. As soon as a sly tongue creeps from her entrance to her hood, her head and fist hits loudly against the wall.  
  
"Don't stop. Please please please." Elsa's eyes were half-lidded just licking up Anna's taste while she got to knead one of those hip bones begging to be bit. She made sure she did that too, and she certainly let out a noise pointing out how much she was loving this as well. "Elsa, Elsa…. Mmm, Els!" Elsa was positively growling in arousal against Anna's body now, licking so freely and quickly that it had her girlfriend bucking against her tongue every other lick. Her dominant side sprung out of her and she slammed Anna's waist against the wall and sucked hard on her clitoris that was standing apart from her folds coated in saliva. "Mff--" The twitchiness of those hips as she sucked with eyes half open was concerning however.  
  
"You're not going to finish until I say. Right?" Anna groans but answers with a vulnerable little yes. "Good." Elsa kisses her hip one more time and stands up while licking all the way up Anna's body with just the tip of her tongue until she reaches the jaw she bites at.  
  
"You do so much to me I--" Anna leads off with a harsh huff and smacks her mouth against Elsa's, forcing the taller of them to step out of the shower and lift her onto the steamy counter. When Anna parts her thighs Elsa's sure to fill the space with her waist and they moan against each other's mouth when Elsa subtly jerks into her a few times. "Do you think I could fit that? How big is it?" Elsa has to take a minute to register what's being asked and it makes Anna repeat herself with a gentle chuckle.  
  
"I-it's um." Elsa shakes her head and rests her forehead against Anna's. "Like six inches long, mmm, not too wide. But the head is a little thicker so it might hurt going in." Especially due to Anna's inherent tightness, using some sort of toy could really ache.  
  
"Take me to your room. I wanna try." Elsa laughs quietly out of a pure giddiness she's rarely exposed to and she hugs Anna tight against her before pulling her off the counter and kissing her all the way to the bed. Elsa tucks her under a soft sheet before climbing off the bed.  
  
"I'm going to put it on, one second." Anna just nods and grips the pillow as her stomach shakes while she drops herself backward onto the sheets. Elsa's almost too caught up in her arousal to even notice the hesitance knitted in red eyebrows, but the second she climbs between Anna's legs with the condom coated toy already attached to her hips, she slows it down. "I'll stop."  
  
"Don't, I want to do this," Anna tries, her voice weary nonetheless. Elsa drops onto her elbows, her hair falling over her shoulders when she kisses Anna softly.  
  
"I want it as well," Elsa breathes, obvious need showing itself. "But the second you don't feel this anymore, I'll stop immediately." Anna nods, reaching between their bodies, making Elsa's eyes narrow positively when she feels that hand drag down her stomach to position the toy. Elsa gets back up on her palms and uses a hand to push Anna's knees a little further apart. "Go in m--nn--shit! Shit shit shit." Elsa doesn't move once she gets inside. "Fuc--it really does hurt when you go in. Ah. Dammit!" Elsa bites her tongue and breathes slowly. To Anna it feels like there was a lump lodged into her and so she shifts her hips around, holding onto Elsa’s triceps.  
  
"It's going to be ok."  
  
"You're right," Anna acknowledges, touching Elsa's cheek and smiling. It makes Elsa feel lightheaded and she tilts her head down, looking at the place her and Anna are connected at… and she just breathes. It’s shaky and excited and this is the power she always searched for in sex; to be completely understanding of her partner was what she had lacked before.  
  
"God, I need to calm down," Elsa laughs, fingers digging into the sheets. "I want it. I want you. This is so much." Her hunger for sex was something she always felt; with Anna it was just insatiable, even before they went quite this far. 'Nonetheless it isn’t necessarily right to just think of how I feel and abuse the power she’s giving me.' She starts fantasizing about the speed she could use or the bites she could lay against that thin neck until she gets aggravated with herself and flicks her own forehead with two fingers. “Are you alright if I move?” Anna nods yes and grips Elsa a little tighter. Elsa sympathetically knits her brows while watching Anna’s face go through subtle waves of pain as Elsa pulls in and out just the slightest bit. When she pushes in a little deeper than before, Anna yelps inside her own mouth before rubbing the back of her shaky hand over her forehead and turns her head away.  
  
“I’m so… we-wet, you should be able to move in me better. I-I don’t know why it’s so--so hard.” Elsa doesn’t stop moving, a flow of faint anxiety warming up the back of her neck while she holds herself up over Anna a little taller so she’s using her waist more than her abs. When Elsa tries pressing further in and pulling out less Anna makes a soft little hum.  
  
“Better?”  
  
“I think so…” Anna whispers, head still turned to the side. Her hair is spread all over the pillow, and it’s so erotic looking Elsa has to berate herself mentally to stop herself from pushing her waist in too rapidly. There’s the softest sound of a popping inside of Anna that makes Elsa spurr with excitement. 'There’s a fine chance Anna has her hymen still in place, which is grotesque to be PROUD of possibly breaking but… oh who am I kidding? I’m just as wild as anyone else, aren’t I,' Elsa admits to herself with a sheepish smirk. Elsa starts to really seek out that idea by pushing in slightly deeper than before, making sure to do so only slowly and not in any way roughly. When she hits one spot, Anna’s chest puffs up and her jaw tenses before her mouth hangs open in a loose attempt at gasping for air. “Ahh-nnh--keep doing that!”  
  
“Mmmf.” Elsa clenches her teeth and flexes the muscles of her back while she drops her chest against Anna’s and grips Anna’s upper back with one hand. Her nails leave little scratches on the shoulder blades that make the woman under her hiss and moan. She really drills in, moaning openly at the feeling of slim legs wrapping around her back until all she can do is grind up into Anna. And UGH, the way Anna feels against Elsa! She’s making a mess of Elsa’s lower stomach with her cum and it’s like someone reached into Elsa’s mouth and pulled up her heart because she can’t even breathe anymore. “A-Annnna--you’re SO--just--” Elsa releases a loud cry against the side of Anna’s face and wraps both arms around Anna’s shoulders, hugging her tight as she continues to push and push and push inside of her girlfriend with all the strength she has in this position. Anna’s waist is grinding up into hers in a frantic rhythm much like when they were in her room back on the North side, rocking the bed with their gyrating hips.  
  
“Elsss--” Anna hisses, dragging her nails down Elsa’s ribs. “Fucking kiss me!” Elsa couldn’t even laugh at the desperation like she would have wanted to. She does what she’s asked of immediately and with such vigor it has their teeth clanking. She’s not even satisfied with just kissing, no Elsa has to be nipping and sucking and just completely dominating Anna in the most sensual way she can. She’s not being violent, but she’s just going on instinct now. She needs Anna and she needs her body now and forever.  
  
Forever sounded nice, alright.  
  
“Anna,” Elsa moans between kisses, pulling out of Anna more just to slide back into her and make her small breasts bounce upward into her own larger ones. “I-I want you more. I don’t eve--hh--even know h-how.” Anna moaned with a surge of giddiness that had her peppering Elsa’s face with kisses.  
  
“Well I’m--HHN--alre--ready y-yours!” Elsa was stuck in place as if time just stopped before her eyes widened then shrunk back down to normal. She looked at Anna with such a heartfelt and heavy look that it made her head sag down. The arousal kicked in again just seconds later anyhow. And now she was really pounding into Anna, careful to go less deep but more outward. She keeps one arm around Anna’s shoulders while the other holds onto her lower back just above her backside to push Anna’s waist up into the penetration. All of her force is in her toes as she pushes in and out sprightly. “Oh my GOD, Elsa! You’re amazing--you’re so good--you’re--” she cut herself off with an intake of sex soaked air. For Anna this was about as scary as it was exhilarating and her whole body was shaking not just from the force of the thrusts but the excitement to finish. The way Elsa’s mound pressed against hers was perfect friction for her clitoris while the fake appendage inside of her was painfully pleasurable while also being used unimaginably well. Elsa really was good… and it made Anna’s whole body thrum with hair tugging and orgasm inflicting eroticism. Anna’s fingers were digging into Elsa’s sides probably harder than they should have but the woman above her wasn’t saying a thing (she was too busy panting and whining into Anna’s neck). A stab of pain made Anna flinch but it was overshadowed by the way blood in her veins were absolutely flooding out her stomach and hips until she was jerking into Elsa unevenly and all of her voice just disappeared. Elsa seemed to know what to do, seeing as she continued her pace, hugging Anna tighter and whispering,  
  
“I love you so much Anna. So so much.” It was those words that really had Anna throwing herself off the cliff into her climax. The guttural sound Anna made couldn’t even be muffled by the blonde’s shoulder pressed against her gaping mouth. Wave after wave somehow kept hitting her and it literally took minutes before Anna let out a raspy cry of completion. It hurt when Elsa pulled out, and when Elsa got off the bed to remove the toy Anna curled up on her side, fetal. The older of them hopped into bed the second she could and offered Anna a wet wipe to clean herself.  
  
“I should probably go pee out the bacteria,” Anna says, waving her arm at the ceiling and sucking in her drool that almost spilled out. Elsa huffed up a laugh and hugged Anna against her, pulling the blanket over their waists, careful not to cover Anna’s breasts just so she can continue to eye them. “But I could also just pee on you--Pff hahaha.” Elsa raises a brow and laughs as well.  
  
“Interesting,” Elsa comments, tickling underneath the jaw in front of her. “I’ve never done anything sexual with pee… Hmm.”  
  
“And you will never!” Anna adds quickly, chuckling still. Her post-orgasm high is in no way fading anytime soon and she’s loving it. “Ah man, no wonder you like sex so much this is GREATTTT!” Elsa can’t wipe the smile off her own face as she closes her eyes and kisses Anna’s pink cheeks over and over.  
  
“I may have thought I thoroughly enjoyed it before but… after you, sweetheart--that was child’s play before.” It made Anna smile somehow wider and she threw her arm over Elsa’s stacked hips and pulled her a little closer. “You’re everything. Everything I ever wanted or hoped for. You’re…” Elsa feels her face heat up at her own words and swallows her spit.  
  
“...What?” Anna tries, running her fingers over the spine and playfully squeezing Elsa’s backside.  
  
“I don’t know how to say it,” Elsa admits quietly, looking into Anna’s eyes that are gazing back, sparkling. “I’ve just never felt this good before.” Anna coyly tries to hide her smile but fails entirely, tucking her face into her arm that’s tucked under her head. Elsa’s heart soars. “Ungh, you’re entirely too adorable for your own good!” Elsa starts assaulting Anna with tickles that get the younger woman screeching at the ceiling.  
  
“ELSA! It’s NOT FAIR! I can’t SEE your HAND--AHAHHA!”  
  
Months go by, and even when Anna loses her lead spot in the show, and Elsa doesn’t hit big at her first personal gallery, it’s all taken in stride. When bad things happened in Elsa’s life before, she gave up and gave in, turning her back from it or ignoring the root of the issue. When bad things happened to Anna she partly blamed her handicap and her past abuse. Now those things are talked out with either one another, or with family and friends.  
  
“Elsa you’re being dramatic,” her regal mother had said to her over the phone. Elsa had been on the verge of tears after she and Anna had had their second real fight over who knows what anymore. “Stop hiding in the washroom and go speak with her, CALMLY. Do not raise your voice even if she raises hers,” Malin said. It had worked, and really, almost anything her mother offered her opinion on had. Perhaps mothers do know best… sometimes.  
  
When Anna was searching for new jobs, she was exploring new theatres which was a scary prospect to her. There was so much unknown; from the layout of a new building, to new coworkers, directors, location. But the fact that she had Elsa explaining things to her the best she could while researching every bit of information Anna could think of asking, really calmed her nerves. It was during one of these nights of job searching and calling for auditions that she and Elsa probably came to the start of one of their biggest decisions. It was nine-thirty and they were curled up with the laptop on the arm of the couch and Anna was in Elsa’s lap. The fleece blanket Anna’s mom hand sewed for them had little snowflakes on it for the winter that Elsa had been looking forward to coming again. After all, winter was what brought Elsa the love of her life. As of tonight, it had officially been one full year since they met, and eleven months since they were officially together. Just the thought always made Elsa scoop her girlfriend up in her arms and kiss her breathless.  
  
“Hey Els?” Anna yawns, covering her mouth with the baggy sleeve of one of Elsa’s sweatshirts from somewhere far to expensive to just be worn to bed like Anna always insisted (Elsa had given up on arguing that point quite a while ago).  
  
“Hmm?” Elsa’s dark blue eyes were still staring at the screen with hyperfocus. She was busy reading about the North Shore Center out in Skokie. Anna can sense the lack of attention on her and leans into Elsa more prominently, grabbing the hand of Elsa’s that was on her thigh and dragging it up under her shirt and over her bare breast. “Hmmm,” Elsa hums more enticed. Anna grins and tilts her head back so her neck is outstretched and the base of her skull is pressed against Elsa’s shoulder.  
  
“Do you ever think about getting married?” Elsa blinks and blatantly says,  
  
“Never. I don’t agree with the notion that a big show and legal nonsense is what binds two people together.” Anna sucks in her cheeks and shimmies a bit, turning her head toward Elsa. “Why? Is that what you’d like us to do next?”  
  
“I don’t really know,” Anna shrugs, “Marriage and white dresses and everything seem really cool--heck maybe even awesome! But all I really want--besides just you of course--is at least ONE baby.” Elsa sucks in a breath and itches her hairline that’s swept back into a loose bun.  
  
“Babies,” Elsa chokes, dropping her hand from Anna’s breast to her stomach. When she closes her mind she imagines what it’d feel like to touch the stomach filled with the effects of a child in utero. Really, it wasn’t hard to imagine. Despite her lack of vision, Anna played the part of a caretaker quite well, making whatever meals she could with little to no help and constantly insisting on changing her ways of messiness to trade it in for a cleanliness that rivaled Elsa. Not to mention just how loving and emotionally sensitive Anna was; she’d make a great mother, maybe even, “Better than my own…” Elsa says under her breath.  
  
“Who’s better at what?” Anna asks with a squeak in her voice.  
  
“You. You’d probably be a much better Mother than mine was. I’d only be slightly jealous of our child then,” Elsa half-jokes, rubbing her thumb against the smooth stomach under her hands.  
  
“You really think so?” Anna seems pleased, nuzzling her nose into Elsa’s. The blonde pushes some red hair behind a slightly pink ear and kisses the slightly rounder nose than her own. “You’d be a really good Mom too, Elsa!” Elsa had her doubts about that. “SOOooooo….”  
  
“So…?”  
  
“So then let’s look into adopting!” Elsa’s face scrunched up and she itched her head again. “Come onnnn! We can at least THINK about it right? And if you don’t wanna get married… neither do I!”  
  
“What?” Elsa sputtered. “But just because I don’t wish to do something does not mean YOU have to stop wanting it.”  
  
“Yeah I know, but having a baby is the one thing I put my foot down on. It’s happening! At… some point,” she adds, clicking her tongue and poking Elsa’s shoulder. “So we should just look now. Why not?!” Elsa can’t really argue that.  
  
“Alright.”  
  
….  
  
“WAIT. Really?!” Elsa sighs at the shouting and Anna starts bouncing on her lap which just makes Elsa sigh again. 'Too bad she isn’t bouncing on my lap for different reasons,' comes that refined voice in her head. Instead of the sharp, angry voice that used to come, or the rational, sometimes too logical voice, this middle ground of a thing has shown up within the past months. A voice that’s not afraid to say silly, raunchy, maybe even brutally honest things that can now balance one another. 'And right now, all I wish to do is think about her being as happy as she is, even when I make a mockery of it for my own amusement.' That always did get her riled up.  
  
“What age then?” Elsa cuts in, making Anna’s little dance finally stop. “What age are you thinking of?”  
  
“I want ‘em hot and ready.”  
  
“Like a pizza or like a sexual partner?” Elsa asks with a grin at her own joke. That just gets her a slap on the shoulder.  
  
“A BABY! As in age zero--just however young we can get them… weirdo.” Elsa chuckles again and gets to typing while she watches Anna’s now gentle smile out of the corner of her eye. She lifts her hands from the keyboard just to grab those cute cheeks and pull them toward her in a sweet chaste kiss. They hardly pull apart before Elsa affirms that,  
  
“You could have asked me to send us to the moon and I’d have done it.” Anna just smiles back at her and hugs her as tight as she possibly can without closing a pipe. “Thank you again Anna…” Elsa really looks into Anna right then and her eyes drop down, tears filling them up suddenly. She holds onto Anna’s small hands in hers and presses them against her chest. “You changed my life completely.” It was the truth. If it wasn’t for Anna, Elsa would have stayed miserable, making artless yet technically profound reproductions of sad and bitter memories and feelings until the end of her lonesome career.  
  
“You changed my life too, Elsa,” Anna replies, deepening her voice slightly to show her seriousness as she held those hands back with just as much vigor. If Anna had not met Elsa, she’d have found herself either living painfully alone, always in fear of intimate relationships, or she’d have met someone much less right, much less understanding and patient for her. “I… this sounds corny, but um. I really think we’re, you know... Um. Soulmates, Els.” Elsa just smiles slowly until it’s brilliant and white like fresh snow under the sun. Anna can swear she almost sees it.  
  
“I could not agree more.”  
  
END.  
____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say… thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I’ve been writing for a little over a year now and posting whatever I want. The fact that people read it is astonishing, but that isn’t why I post. I could care less if this got only three views because it still touched three people even if only barely. This story had been sitting in my Google Drive for months collecting dust because I was just so scared to unveil myself through Elsa. Really, I think my hesitance actually kept this fic back from being great. I’ve been through so much when it comes to overcoming trauma from suppressing yourself and ELSA, since I was like 15, has been a stupid fictional crush of mine for the longest time. It was only fitting that I made her me, huh? I really wonder what comes next; do I write more Elsanna stuff or do I move on? Well, I have ONE more under my belt starting this week. Vampire Elsa… here we come lol. Just don’t expect it to be quite as emotionally heavy hitting as this one.

**Author's Note:**

> This is already completed but I'll be posting little bits probably two-three times a week just to have a schedule back in my life. I hope you at least get a few minutes of enjoyment out of this with everything going on in the world right now. Stay safe everyone.


End file.
